Lyrics to Taylor Swift Come In With The Rain

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there anymore and I
know all the steps up to your door
But I don't want to go there anymore
Talk to the wind, talk to the sky
Talk to the man with the reasons why
And let me know what you find

I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired tonight
to call your name
Just know I'm right here hoping
You'll come in with the rain

I could stand up and sing you a song
But I don't want to have to go that far and I
I've got you down, I know you by heart
And you don't even know where I start
Talk to yourself, talk to the tears
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Talk to the man who put you here
Don't wait for the sky to clear


I've watched you so long
screamed your name
I don't know what else
I can say

But I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired tonight
for all these games
Just know I'm right here hoping
You'll come in with the rain

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there
anymore..

I am sitting here waiting for any word
a smile, a confession
a reason to hope perhaps
But nothing is coming through
Only emptiness telling me
to get over you

im inpatiently waiting in a patient lie
Holding back every ounce of wanting to reach out
and beg you to hold me

They say...

They say take it in..
this is the way
To be strong and hold in
The things I want to say

They say, You'll get through
take a Look at yourself
There is more for you
Put him on a shelf

They say Im amazing
If he loves you, you will know
Only thing i hear is my heart
telling me "Don't let go."

They say there are more fish
But this love is for a man
A heart so bound in confusion
Fighting to understand

They say leave him be
He will come around
If this is right
His heart will fight
and what could be lost will be found

They say your crying has no worth
It changes nothing
but it still hurts

They say Cry out release the pain
If you hold it in
You'll go insane

They say that God will lead your heart
to hold onto your faith
It has gotten you this far

They say reach out to all but him
Dont let him see you cry
So I smile and pretend just as they wish
While I sit here wondering, Why?

So many voices, telling me what to do
but the only choice has already been made
Loving him.. is what I choose.

I used to be his girl.

He used to call me his girl
He used to look me in the eye
He used to be my world
He used to hold me when id cry

I used to kiss his face
and hold him while he'd sleep
I used to rub his back
To assure him he was safe with me

He used to smack my ass
and catch me off my guard
He used to make me laugh
When he acted like a tard

I used to fight so hard
to have him hold my hand
I thought i had the cards
To play a winning hand

He used to be the one
Who could take it all away
The reason I looked forward to
Finding each new day

I used to be that smile
He didnt know he had
When nothing seemed to be goin right
He was sure of one thing he had

He used be that fire
burning in my soul
To push me to my limits
and make me hit my goals

I used to have a battle
i thought was worth the world
Now im left with scars and stories
of when i Used to be his girl

My song to him...

I know it's not my place To tell you what your're doing wrong Sometimes I think about your face And there's times I dont think of you at all Yeah Tell me you need me and I will stay You believe me and I will wait That you come back for me every time I fall In your heart there's just no place There's no room to make a mistake And with one wrong turn You will never make it home I know you would never say What I did to make you feel so small I've spent the whole year on my face Now with a little help I will stand up on my own (my own) Tell me you need me and I will stay You believe me and I will wait That you'd come back for me evertime I fall In youre heart theres just no place There's no room to make a mistake And with one wrong turn You will never make it home Yeah yeah If you want me Then you got me Just never leave me alone So tell me you need me and I will stay You believe me and I will wait That you'd come back for me every time I fall Yeah yeah Tell me your heart will never change And you'll always feel the same That you'll stand beside me if you think I'm wrong I was wrong If you want me Then you got me Just never leave me alone

Otis Redding - I've Been Loving You Too Long Lyrics

I've been loving you too long to stop now

There were time and you want to be free
My love is growing stronger, as you become a habit to me
Oh I've been loving you a little too long
I dont wanna stop now, oh
With you my life,
Has been so wonderful
I can't stop now


Don't make me stop now
No baby
I'm down on my knees Please, don't make me stop now
I love you, I love you,
I love you with all of my heart
And I can't stop now
Don't make me stop now
Please, please don't make me stop now
Good god almighty I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you in so many different ways...
I love you in so many different ways....

Almost numb.

I'm alone in these lonely shadows
Drinking the pain away
I miss him but it does not matter
I have said all I could say

The whispers aren’t so pleasant
I hear them in the night
So many words of comfort
Wanting to hold me tonight

But I push and shove till I'm alright
Being alone not foolish instead
How can they hold me
If only he is in my head?

From where I’m standing
I can’t see him
From where I’m hiding
The lights have gone dim

Maybe tonight will be my last
No more suffering
If you walk away from your past

One more drink to make things still
One last time Ill take my pill

It takes some time but that’s all I have
To think about the love I had

Stay away I'm going down
And I don’t care
Who is around

Ill not cry out, my tears are dry
I’ve only got this one
Reason left to cry

My heart will rest
One day soon
Ill ink the star that holds the moon

Love as sun, heart as star
Moon as self
My precious scar

Watch it bleed
The needle give
To paint the portrait
Of why I live

Shining star of my existence
Lost to hold his hearts resistance

Dance in fire
Play with matches
Run like a child
When your heart unlatches

Forgiveness lies
Within my heart
Even when we
Are left apart

They think I can run and new love be found
But I’m left wondering
Why you’re not around

They think I can see
Another's gazing eyes
But I’m still wondering
What if he just tried?

So ill empty this glass
And do it again
Till the pain is numb
And I can pretend
This smile is real
And I’m not dying
My heart is mine
Ok.. I’m lying

Ill talk to the walls
And watch the mirrors
Fight the sleep
In which I fear

The ache the burn
It’s all so real
I can’t ignore
The love I feel

No wrong too great
No right too small
I take them in
And accept them all

A love forever
A word I give
I love you now and will
As long as I may live

I love you greg.. forevers.

How?

How do you suck it up and tell your child nothing is wrong when you are lying on the ground crying harder that they themselves have ever cried?
How do you smile when they try everything in their power to make it better.. when your heart is so torn?
How do you convince yourself this is all a bad dream, when you wake up shaking in the night.. scared.. that the one you have known, trusted, and loved.. will never hold you again?
How do you wipe away the tears when your eyes hurt so bad?
How do you answer the phone when you know its another person asking how you are holding up.. and you know it is not him?
How do you convince your heart it is wrong to love him.. when it felt so right?
How do you look at your son and not think about how he used to cuddle up with him on the couch?
How do you feel the warm air on your skin from the summer coming.. and not think about how it felt the day you met him?
How do you go to the store.. and not look at those special little things you used to buy for him?
How do you just walk away without hurting?
How do you face.. every person you have faced through tear filled eyes?
How do you laugh.. while holding back such pain?
Who do you turn to when the One person you believed would always be there for you is Gone?
How can you write.. when everything on your mind is why?
How can you believe again, when the one thing you have come to believe.. was a lie?
How can you trust, when the one person you trusted the most can look you in the eyes and lie to you... Correction.. I am the person I trusted the most.. And i trusted my instinct that he was lying. As much as I did not want to believe it.. Because Love Trusts.. and i loved him so very much.. I felt it. In my heart I felt I was being done wrong. My heart did not lie.

Too lost to even find my own words...

so i will post some lyrics...

What I wouldn't Give- Holly Brook

Feeling like I can't forgive, but I want to
it's like I don't know how to live, I’m afraid to
I used to think take them as they come, without hesitations, no
now it's like my head is filled with lies, and persuasions

as the sun begins to fall I hear her calling out to me she's sayin' hurry it's one more day gone

what I wouldn't give just to forget
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again

I am feeling dissonant, and distracted
the toxic chemicals are spilling in my head and they're bleeding deadly reactions

and as the moon begins to rise he shows me all the colors that I’m hiding I’m hiding myself

what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again

Am I desperately losing this fight
when I should really be choosing my flight
take me now

what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again

what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
what I wouldn't give just to forget
so I can remember how to live

*********************************************

Phil Collins - I Wish It Would Rain Down Lyrics

You know I never meant to see you again
and I only passed by as a friend
All this time I stayed out of sight
I started wondering why

Now I, I wish it would rain down, down on me
Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now
Yes I wish it would rain down, down on me

You said you didn't need me in your life
I guess you were right
Well I never meant to cause you no pain
But it looks like I did it again

Now I, Now I know I wish it would rain down, down on me
Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now
Yes I wish it would rain down, down on me
Yes I wish it would Rain.. On.. Meeee!!!

Though your hurt is gone, mines hanging on, inside
And I know it's eating me through every night and day
I'm just waiting on your sign

'Cos I know, I know I never meant to cause you no pain
And I realize I let you down
But I know in my heart of heart of hearts
I know I'm never gonna hold you again

Now I, Now I know I wish it would rain down,

down on me

Oh you know I wish it would rain, rain down on me now
Yes I wish it would rain down,

down on me

Yes You know I wish it would Rain Down
Rain Down .. On.. Meeee!!!

Just Rain Down on meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

I have lost this battle
There is no where left to turn
I was backed into a corner
Guarded by my love for him
Not wanting to see the truth
That had become so apparent to me
Finally I was able to fight for myself
To find the truth
And use it to find my heart again

I have given my heart to the wrong person once more
He handed it back and said..
I cant give you what you need.
I threw it down and said
To the death I will bleed


Fuck... i cant do this.

Carpe Omnis. (Seize it All)

My horoscope today..

Your March Forecast: Venus, as it edges into your sign mid-March, implies a steady build up of intense emotion. Emotion is the fuel that powers your engine. It keeps you going. Of course you prefer a happy emotion to a sad emotion, but you prefer a sad emotion to no emotion at all. Your biggest dread is that one day you will feel nothing. You always want to feel something. You need have no fear on that count - but, on the grounds that a positive emotion is preferable, here's how to be sure you enjoy your month. Stop worrying about where you ought to be or who you ought to be there with or what you ought to be doing. Trust more. All will be fine.

The thinking is worse than the doing. Always. Without exception. There are indeed, some who argue that doing is never difficult. All pain, all stress and all discomfort stems from thinking. Well, that's the theory. Like all good philosophies, it falls apart if you take the stick of scepticism, sharpen it with scrutiny and then prod about determinedly. But today, it should at least hold up long enough to support you in your endeavour to fulfil a crucial commitment. Stop contemplating. Start doing what you have to.

Basically says I am a procrastinator that thinks too much about the things i should be doing as opposed to doing them. I think too much about how I want to feel, and how to get there, as opposed to feeling it and getting myself there. Question is.. Can I get there Alone? Can I DO these things Alone? In my co-dependancy for happiness, Have I been wrong? Is accepting who I am wrong? I mean people try to *better* themselves all the time. Am I good enough The way I am? Or do I have some *bettering* to do myself?
Have I merely come to accept the hand I have been dealt? Or should I demand A fresh Deal? Should I accuse the dealer of cheating? Of setting me up for his own amusement?
Thing is, life isnt so bad, not bad at all. But then, there are a few things missing, I just assume they will come in time. When the time is right. That I will be blind sided by some great change.
I have convinced myself there are certain things I cannot do right now. But I will not leave this world before I do in fact finish them. I will Not sit on my death bed wondering what if? I would like to lie there and merely whisper *thank God*
They say 8 out of 10 people are not happy. Alright I made that number up.. But in my experience this is what I have truly come to believe. Are humans really built for happiness? Am I?
What makes me so special, that I deserve to be one of the chosen few who have learned to grasp happiness by the reins and hold on for dear life.. enjoying the ride.. never letting it go!
So in love, they say let them go, if they are yours they will come back to you. But why is it they do not say this about happiness? When you are happy, let it go, and if it comes back it is yours forever??? This does not make sense to me. I am starting to think, ok I have thought for a very long time.. When you are in love.. take it as you would happiness.. Grab it by the reins and enjoy the ride.. (for as long as it lasts) and dont let go! (as long as it makes you happy)
There is no point in missing out on the most valuable thing in life. Another person's heart.
If it is given to you.. take it. Hold it. Cherish it. Do not risk losing it. Do not waste one moment. It is a gift. Not a curse. You need to look at it as such.
When someone loves you, it is because they think you are the most wonderful person alive... and in their eyes, You are.
When someone loves you, it means they will do anything in their power to give you happiness. The happiness in this world we so eagerly crave. Guess it just comes down to, Do you really want it? Some people become so self absorbed in misery, in failure, in self doubt.. That they are given such a precious gift and they have no clue what to do with it. In fact, They are afraid of it. Afraid they will screw it up somehow, Afraid they will be dissappointed, Afraid they will Need it, Afraid.. They will lose it! So Afraid, they run from it.
If you do not know how to love yourself, then you do not know how to love someone else. If you cannot look in the mirror and smile at yourself, then you cannot look into the eyes of another and smile at them. If you cannot have faith in yourself, the person you know better than anyone in this world, then you cannot have Faith in someone else. If you do not trust yourself to do the right thing, then you do not know trust.
Find it. Find it ALL. Find it in yourself.. What do you have to LOSE????
This is Your life, Your One chance. Make the best of it with the Cards you have been dealt. Lay them down and be proud. Walk away with a loss of one simple bet and Smile.. that You realize life is not a game. That nothing is permanent. Everything can change. Even you!

Uninvited.

Is it too much for you to know
That I am lost without you
Is it too much for you to feel
You might be a little lost too?

Are my eyes too bright
to risk that gaze
Is my ego to fragile
to invite your praise

Does my essence still trickle
within your heart?
Does my touch still linger
when we are apart?

If i believe
I belong to you
Would you risk anything
To keep it true

If I believe
your love is mine
That you have given your heart
This Just One time.

If I believe
this is the way
you have come to show
what you cannot say

Will my mind just stop and let me live
Will my soul allow my heart to give

Will my passion go unwanted
When my pleas have gone unheard
Will my lingering carresses in the night
reach your heart without a word

Will my wings be torn for just this chance
To find you lost within my glance
Will my heart go twisted, wrists be bound
To fall here, only to see you no where around

Will my risk go punished
So defiant and unsighted
To fall here to love you
And be left, Uninvited.

If you need me.

Oh how your shadows disolve into my soul
I will tear myself apart,
Just to make you whole

Call for me tonight
I am there, before you even speak
Reach for me tonight
My voice will remove what makes you weak

As soon as i can get to you,
There is where I will be
You need not ever ask
Where I would rather be

I would run
twice as far
Just To bring comfort
to where you are

I would steal anything
just to sell..
to pay your ransom
indebted to hell

I would blow out the stars
if they shine too bright
If only it helps you
sleep this night

I would cast away
All hearts to be known
Just to show my pledge
That your heart is my own

I would capture a thousand
beems of light
to place by your side
when i am not in sight

If need be had, I am here for you
but please don't forget
I need you too.

Pride.

Alright I can do this

Release without worry
Just open up and let it go

Guided by the hand
led to a cliff to choose
A choice I have no clue why i need to make
But has been made obvious

I have to find myself
I thought I had before
But the minute my heart seems lonely
My self walks out the door

I try to see things clearly
I try to fill my time
But nothing seems to replace
the thought of him in my mind

I know i have to push them
Far away inside
to laugh in anothers company
with thoughts of him I hide

To smile and pretend
it is not in my head
that id rather be doing
anything with him instead

To laugh and take it
all with stride
quick to wipe my makeup
from the trail of where i cried

Here I walk further from you
letting you come after me
when your ready to

Here I draw a line
and I will stay on my side
Allowing you to make your choice
To capture your heart
or cling to your pride.

i dunno. I dunno.

I am running from the sunlight
Waiting for you to hear me
I am falling from the silence
Dont you want to speak to me?
I am sensing something different
Im not sure I want to see

I will die this day should you steal my breath
I will fall and clutch the lonliness

There is no chance in finding you
if you hide from me
While im searching for you.

Set me on fire let me burn
Ashes blown as wind flows by
My heart remains as seasons turn
Only finding desperate sighs

Final stand
Gun in hand
So this is not
What you had planned.

Put me out
this fiery soul
Cast my fears into the wind
If i am no longer whole

Answer me quickly
Am i the one
To hand you a reason to rest
when your day is done

Now take your time
to look through your day
would my not being there
be a better way?

Tell me does it matter much
What signs are brought to you
If you do not want to see them
There is not much left, I can do

Would you tie the bridges
secure and true
to pave a path
from me to you?

Would you steal the waters
from the lonliest sea
To build yourself a river
From you to me?

I do not know what i am doing
Tell me do you know
that late at night I forget to sleep
Still Hoping you will show

But here I am
and your not here
I am learning to live
within my tears

I place my head
in thoughts of you
Just one more pill
to get me through..

Goodnight my love
where ever you rest
I lie alone in the thoughts
My heart has professed

Sleep well my love
and to us a new day
A new chance to fall asleep
with the lonliness washed away

Maybe tomorrow.

Prisoner of Love.

I am facing this silence with bitten tongue
I am listening to the voices
Telling me what is done is done

It does not matter where I go
This fate is outside of me

It does not matter what I say
It is going to happen anyway

It is shameful that I think I am
more than you had ever planned
Yet I cannot speak
I cannot stand

The vision comes as I had asked
With fiery eyes my heart surpassed
Left to struggle words within
The truth remains inside of him

A heart so open it slowly leaks
The comfort my desperate soul still seeks
Mind so clouded that this may be true
Words so sharp, but never get through

I kneel before you
Head bowed down
But I should be standing
Cause I wear this crown

Condemned by my love
That makes or breaks
Imprisoned to serve
And give all you will take

Chained to your emotions
All tied up in you
When you run, I run faster
To not be a burden on you
Captured in your glances
So sparingly given
Releasing the chances
Of escaping this prison

Prisoner of love, I humble to you
Knowing if these chains were broken
I could not leave
Even if you wanted me to.

Numb?

I was driving home tonight with this empty feeling. A feeling like nothing was left inside of me. Was this happiness? Was this pain? If you could choose to feel nothing.. would you?
I did not know why this feeling came over me. But I know I have had it before. Then I felt this burning in my heart. Something is wrong. I feel it. I do not know what it is, but it is lingering in th shadows. It will eventually be brought to light. I mean all we have is time to wait and see right?

Tonight I called Greg. I told him about these feelings and of course he answered with his usual "I dunno" and "maybe". God I sometimes feel I know this man inside out. But to be honest, I am afraid of him. My heart was telling me to have a heart to heart with him. To sit down and tell him how much he means to you. To take this moment and make it into your own. CReate.. Not Wait. I walked away from his house tonight, too afraid to do that. Instead I did do it on the phone. But it just isnt the same. I let myself down. I let my heart down. Why am I so weak?

I ask myself now, Why? Why am I afraid of him? To be honest. I am simply afraid I am too much for him. I am afraid my emotions are unwanted, my speaking from my heart makes him uncomfortable. He has never shunned me for it. He has always told me to be me, and let him be him. So why am I so afraid? Ohhh I know. Because I do not want to lose him. See most of us would die for someone to stop in their tracks and turn to you and say, "You know, you are so precious to me, I love who you are, and I am so glad you are in my life." But Greg, I dont know, he is different. He doesn't want someone to be attached to him. Someone to need him. Because he does not want to Do that in return. He wants to be a loner, a desperado. And yet I, have penetrated his life. I walked in and stole a little piece of his heart. He is not fighting for it back, but sometimes I feel he fights letting his whole heart become mine.

I fight to be all of what he wants, and as little as possible of what he does not want. Yet, He, does not dance around me as I dance for him. If he is crabby, he will be crabby. If he does not want to be touched, he will not allow himself to be touched. If he wants to hear my voice, he will call me. He said, "Just because I am not calling you, does not mean I am not thinking about you." I get that, and since the day he has said that I hold it in my heart, just as I have every thing he has ever said to me. He has no shame. He appears to have no weakness. He does what he wants, when he wants to do it.. and that is how he is.

So where am I left in all of this. Realizing I "reserve the rights" to speak. I am left asking myself "Why?" That if I hold in what I want to say.. I am not me. If I hold back from touching him when I want to.. I am not me. If I hold back from calling him when I miss him.. I am not me. I cannot love this man inside my head. I must love him in the actions my heart tells me to take.
Kiss him when my lips are lonely. Hold him when my arms feel empty. Reach for him when I want to see him reach back.

Would you rather feel numb? Or would you rather feel your heart swell? Even if you risk feeling it break some day. Would you capture moments as if they were your last? Or would you walk away never knowing what tomorrow brings? That tomorrow they could say goodbye. Tomorrow they could no longer feel what they did today. That Tomorrow, they were unable to feel at all.
At least they will be left with the memory of what it WAS to be loved. To know that this person was strong enough to face their fears of rejection and Open their heart to you. Atleast in the end, there will be no doubt. That your heart was completely theirs, whether they wanted it or not.

Promise in your heart.

Paint me a picture in shades of blue
So when my heart feels lost
I can still find you

Ask me to dance while the rain pours down
So i can dance alone and remember
Where my heart was finally found

Sing to me a song that will forever play in my heart
So i can listen to it again and again
When we have to be apart

Tell me Never, Always, Forever
That nothing in this world
could keep us from being together

I am falling asleep
Writing this for you
But my mouth can't say
What my heart wants me to

Nails on heads
Tongue being bitten
Your heart feels shamed
By what mine has written

Give to me a ring on my pinky
A promise we can share
To tell me Always and forever
You will be by my side, You swear
To say each heart beat.. is a precious gift
And wherever you are..
You can feel it
From there

Fallen for you.

Im staring blankly at the wall
to figure where i was before the fall
Days gone by and still my eyes follow
Where you plan to be tomorrow

Church bells ringing and your not smiling
Babies born I cry, you cringe
Lovers embrace, you turn your head
Pulling me closer you should be, Instead

I can appreciate this precious ache
Cause I know that I am still feeling
I can love you for many things
if only to leave my heart revealing

No lies but truth,
I give into you
The silence wakes me
Nothing I can do
'sept watch for the little things
and hope you see them too

I fell Here to hold your heart
There is nothing saying
we should be apart

I fell Here, to show you the way
To open your eyes
and give you a reason to pray

Friday morning I'll make that call
To take me back
into the arms I fall

No easy way back from where I came
But to live this angels dream
and make it through the pain

To stand before, not step aside
To pull you from the shadows
In which you reside
Im not going back
without you by my side

What will it take to make you cry
What are the fears you hold inside
Let me hold you, I am yours
Forever beside you
Fighting wars

What will it take to make you see
Forever is where I long to be
In your days and in your nights
Through your mistakes
Through your re-writes

What can I say that will make you hear
My name whispered within your ear
The loudest thunder from the smallest tear
Stolen away, just to have you here

I ask for you.

You have stolen my sanity
I pray for a refuge with you inside of me
My heart lay still while I'm still waiting
My mind goes running through debating

The way you keep everything in its place
The way you know that look on my face

You create an uneasiness that i can't ignore
I build a world surrounded by yours

Its never easy lying here
Its just too much to face my fear

Steal me away from the sun
be that place that I lie
Why has it come down to this
Why am I missing you in my life

Im so far down
I dont know where to begin
To pick myself up
To tell you your not allowed in

I am going to run
I am going to hide
I am going to find
what i am missing inside

So push my buttons
Make it burn
and watch me cry
till you finally learn

To find your way
through my door
Will you fall again
Like you have before?

If you are left to beg
for my love in your hand
Will you lie there thoughtless
Or make that final stand?

If you are left to wonder
The worlds of why's
Will you say "If only
I did not leave her to cry?"

Can you see your distance?
Do I expect too much?
If you never see me
Will that be enough?

The whole world watching
Through rose colored glass
Will he capture this angel
Or let her pass?

The thousands waiting
To hold your place
While one heart longs
for only your embrace

Not just with your arms
but your eyes and your being
Is my heart being deceived
By what my mind is seeing?

I have said it before
I will say it again
I can't spend forever
In this game of pretend

It doesn't matter anymore
There are no words left to say
If your thrown into the wind
Will you simply fly away?

I have not caged you
You are free to fly
You are welcome to go
If your heart does not comply

Does your heart not tremble
tonight like mine
Laying your head fast asleep
Believing everything is fine

It is not supposed to end this way
I am supposed to fight
I am supposed to stay

It is not less than what I am
I ask for you
to take my hand

To hold my heart
and give to me
a reason to live
A reason..
To breathe.

Time it ended.

I can see you hated it
when i left my head hanging down
I can see there was no point
in wandering around
Its been so long now
since you have been in my dreams
When I look in from the outside,
it isnt what it seems

Too many nights spent studying you
Lost in you
MIssing you.

Lost in time to be lost by you
complicated by you
Broken wings came through

You may have walked away
but im letting you go
I can walk now too
I thought you would like to know

I have found a way to make the good times right
I have found a way to forget you at night

Your so far away from what we were
Your so different from the way you were

I know that its safe to say, im good.... without you
I know this time, I wont even think.... about you

Your lips wont return and thats just fine
Your touch is forgotten.. and its about time
You can be out of my life..

Remove this knife

Throw it aside

My arms dont ache
My heart is mended
Isnt it about time
Your memory ended?

jeff: so was it an intresting conversation
Thee_Goddess: yeah i had an epiphany
Thee_Goddess: about greg
jeff: oh yeah what about
Thee_Goddess: well
Thee_Goddess: ever since the day he said i love you
Thee_Goddess: and i ran back into his arms
Thee_Goddess: it seems i have been trying to change the man i have fallen in love with
Thee_Goddess: i have been trying to get him to show love
Thee_Goddess: in bigger ways
Thee_Goddess: and there is this song
Thee_Goddess: he played for me
Thee_Goddess: called red on a rose
Thee_Goddess: where one of the lines say
Thee_Goddess: And i love you cause i know that i cant do anything wrong
Thee_Goddess: meaning
Thee_Goddess: he loves that i love him for who he is
Thee_Goddess: the good and the bad
Thee_Goddess: and lately.. i have been too hard on him
jeff: well yeah that is amazing
Thee_Goddess: i fell in love with him for who he was
Thee_Goddess: not who i want him to be
jeff: that is very true
Thee_Goddess: gonna try to call and leave him a message

So i did, and im sure my messages out of no where are just well retarded.. but i did not want to let the moment of clarity pass me by.. although i am sure even though i felt it all so clear at the moment, that a 530am call will not be so clear to him lol. Oh well!

"I love you.. cause I know..
That i can't do anything wrong."

..and i do not ever want to take that reason away. Today is a new day for me. To take this life and simply make it mine. I fell in love with a man for who he is.. not who i want him to be.
That maybe it is time I stop thinking so much, and just start enjoying. Living for those little moments that I love so much.. Taking each one and cherishing it like "a child loves a penny"

He has given me the same.. through everything, he has accepted me for everything.
Helped me in ways he could.. just comforted me through times he couldnt.
He will be there when I need him, but not always just when I want him..
He loves me when I cry, loves me when I laugh..
I love laughing with him.

Alright.

I took a chance and i got to feel
Your hand in mine,Your heart so real

I have to laugh every now and then
I cant just fall and let it end
I have to smile and make it through
Ill close my eyes, when im not with you

The eyes you see
You make them bright
Dont think your failing
just hold me tonight

Walking down the stairs.. I smile
Its time I get to hold you a while
Staying the night
Stealing a kiss
Letting you leave
taking everything i miss

But Ill laugh and smile
without you tonight
Cause your heart is mine

Im alright

Driving home you make me laugh
Nothing to steal my time from you
Stopping to kiss me in your tracks
I capture your gaze in shades of blue

Ill write a song, Just to make this moment last
To bring down the rain and have this dance

Ill write a song to sing to you
Ill find the words to whisper in your ear
To steal another moment for you
To make the world dissappear

Ill laugh and smile
without you tonight
Cause your still mine

Everything is alright.

I want to.

How can I not count the days
That I am outside of holding you.
How can I write when i am so tied up
How many times can i ask you to help me.. help you
I want to shake you and say Listen. LOVE ME
I want to push you down and kiss you all over
without you telling me to stop
I want to reach for you, because you showed up at my door unexpectedly
I want to smile at you, because you smiled at me first
I want to roll over in bed and see your eyes wide open
Just watching me.
I want you to hold your breath, when you wait for me to call you back..
Knowing you will be alright, cause you are the one thing on my mind
That you will not be left breathless for long.
I want it to rain.. and for once not be looking out the window for you..
but merely turn around and you be holding me from behind at the window.
I want a song to play, and you to pull me to my feet to dance with you.
I want to be in the other room, and have you come search for me...
I want to kiss you and stop.. and have your lips beg for more
I want you to wake up in the morning. and wake me up too!!
I want to be cooking for you and have you tell me to hurry up..
because you miss me.
I want to be driving beside you and forget to put my hand on your leg..
and have you reach over and pull my hand to you.. and smile at me.
I want to be looked at, while your talking to me..
Not just speaking outloud, hoping i hear you.
I want you to be drunk.. in our love.
I want you to call and say.. i only have a minute, but i was thinking of you.
I want to need you, and know its ok.
I want to love you with everything I am, with every ounce of my soul
that god has blessed me with.
I want to give it all to you..
I want you to feel amazing every morning you wake up.
because you are.. That is why I want to be a part of you.
I want you to say forever.
I want you to realize that the world is small.. and right there in the center of it..
is me and you.
I want you to count the days we have left to make this life right..
and know in your heart, we have gotten one thing right so far..
I want you to shut everything out, but me.
I want you to pull me to my room and shut the door.
Just for a kiss you have been missing all day.
I want You..
to Feel blessed.. in a world so lost.
I want to be that anchor you rely on
That light you search for.
That dream you hold onto
That star you search for each night,
making sure it is still shining bright.

Nourish.

I have memorized each reply
I know every look in your eye
I do not have anything left to say
Neither did you as I walked away

I remember every touch i have felt
When you placed your hand
over mine on your belt
and told me no

I remember ever word you have said
when i wanted to stay
and left instead..
You let me go

Im leaving my heart wide open
But im not stepping outside anymore
Im leaving the key under the mat
If you ever stumble apon my door

I could go on about the things i will miss
but i have spent too much time
Too much time left pondering over this

I could write a thousand words in my pain
But knowing you will never see them
my heart will never be the same

Im afraid to love you anymore
Im afraid to let go
Im afraid to stay
Im afraid to be the one
that pushes YOU away

I dont know what else i can say
Your a different person day by day
Once you hold my hand and kiss it
Once you grab it and push it away

I know its not me
Ive given all i can
If only you could see
If only your heart
would finally understand

You can live without me
You have told me yourself
But is that what you say to the one you love
Who faithfully dreams of No one else

You can stand a day apart
You care not to speak
of matters in your heart

Im too tired to call out to you again
Im too lost to feel the same
Waking to feel you there but gone
Waking to find it still feels wrong

All this time spent making you smile
All these words vanishing only while
You sit thinking of everything but me
I sit dreading setting you free

You tell me you want this
or you wouldnt even say
But how can you pick and choose
when you want to make me go away?

We agree we knew we werent the same
But when you truly love someone
There is always room for change
A chance a truth to set yourself free
Within eachother
In loving you, in loving me

You are my greatest battle love.
Each day I lose faith in what else i can say

"Its not that hard to hold my hand"
"Is it really that nessecary?"

Does the earth not need rain to thrive?
Does a child not need a hug to feel good inside?
Does a flower not need sun to breath and flourish?
Does an infant not need food
Have you ever heard of Nourish?

Feed, provide, Nurture, Sustain..
Your touch is not different from the rain
Love is not different.. its just the same

Leave it lonely
Leave it to die
and leave my heart broken
If i am only left to cry

When will you get it
This is not just me
It is simply a feeling no longer
Growing inside of me.

Playful love.

I didnt mean to cross your lines
I didnt know you were not ready this time

I didnt know id have to watch you slowly fall
I did not know you never had the chance to feel
so i dance around you
reaching for your hand to show you whats real
Giggling as you stumble
Pulling you by the hand

Your body uneasy
when i ask you to dance
cause you never thought
You'd want to take this chance

When you go about your ways
Trying to make sense of these things
I pull you close and kiss your lips
and make you forget..
everything

I am not above falling for you
I have fallen into your eyes
I have fallen into something i cannot explain
You have stolen the power
Of my own hearts reign

No need for analyzing things we dont know
Just hold onto one another
Make it up as we go

No need for re-thinking that look in your eyes
Just let it happen the way it will
Im not leaving your side

Tomorrow is our playground
Today is our vow
Of the love we have found
Dont look back, im here now

How lucky to have found
this love growing wild
How could i resist
everytime i see that smile

Your eyes, how they glimmer
like the raindrops i admire
Your touch, a constant flame
that brings passion to my fire

Lets take a picture
Capture this kiss
Stealing your breath away
I know..
You never knew you'd feel like this

My hand in yours.

If I dare to say goodbye tonight
would my heart still shatter
will my choice be right?

Would the patience be an angry mess?
To sit here waiting out
My Lonliness?

How could I find a way to heal?
If i am left
Loving you still?

So, I am fighting this out
Im so tired
Of going without.

Why should I stand in lonely shadows?
When there is so much light to be found
Why should I lie here in this place?
If you wont join me on the ground?

I will stay here crying, So you will never know
Understanding nothing of myself
Except I did not think this
Is the way love really goes.

You lost your pride while i was away
You layed it down to bring me back
But picked it up along the way

Come back to me the way you were
That night you thought...
"I do not want to be without her".

Bring me back That man I'd choose
That layed down his heart
With nothing left to lose.

I wonder if you even know
You're the dream i wish to stumble upon each night
I wonder why i feel
Im out of your mind when your out of my sight.

I want to wake up and see you smile
Id like to hold you still..
once in a while.

You found your heart in its breaking
The loss gone noticed
Heart left Aching
Tears held back..
Voices shaking

You said yourself
"I think your heart was always mine".
In tears I replied
"You have had it all this time".

Redeemed to battle, devising loves light to last
I pulled our memories from their drawers
Reclaiming your passion..replacing my hearts desire
Re-writing the pages found, through these open doors
Handing me the ashes of this fire
One last fight to keep..
My hand in yours

I love you.

Hahah

Bounty lifted from his head
A bandage ripped from where he bled
Body lying cold and numb
To his death, His heart Succumb
To open his soul would yield her eyes
A fearless angel, no words describe
To fill his lungs with heaven's bliss
To wash away his lonliness
Deep and passionate she made her mark
A symbol upon his fiery heart
This man of words, heart gone broken
She stole his kiss, till nothing was spoken
Mourned by many, loving just one
Died to be held, by the Fallen One

Grown.

Afraid of what I am becomming
I just cant understand
How I can be replaced
Pushed away by your hand
There is a darkened cloud that
shades my heart
It doesnt let me see
Who you really are
It doesnt let me believe
Who i really am
Im just doing the best that i can
So im waiting for my final day
So i can let this all go away
Ive been told
I am the one
But left in the shadows
As fast as it had begun
And i sit here
Many moons into you
Many times i thought we were through
My heart has yet to replace you
I know I have always been ready to give
I know I have been waiting for my chance to live
within your embrace
For you i have fallen
Fallen from grace
but wherever it is you take me
I want to trust you wont forsake me
Sometimes id like to hide from you
You know too much of who i am
but when you look away each time
Im afraid you will never understand
So I hold you like a child
not ready to know the truth
I just hold you and whisper
How much i am in love with you
There are things in this life
worth waiting for
Wish I could see it in black in white
the way you do i guess
you either love or you don't
But you are missing the best
here inside these eyes you see
Is a soul thats falling endlessly
Behind this chest
a heart that beats
Through cloudy days
and lifes defeats
a soul that craves life
and every breath
to never be torn from you,
not even when it meets death
You are my passion
My evening star
Your my life desire
I hold you far
Above all else
I have ever known
In losing myself with you
My SELF..
has grown

Not Alone.

I was sitting here today and a song came on that reminded me it is ok.
That I am not the only one out there that feels lost without someone...
ThAT someone she loves..
Him.
That I am not the only one who would go down fighting for the love I believe in
That it is ok to wait and be patient.. completely focused on the one you love
It is ok to daydream about things that seem so surreal
It is ok to close your eyes and feel his touch
and do anything to make it real
To wait for his kiss, to never have enough
To see his face when he is not there
It is ok to desire more
It is ok to hurt, just because you care
It is ok to miss him when he wants to be alone
It is ok to silently listen for him on your phone
I am not the only one out there consumed by her heart
I am not the only one that wonders where you are
I am not alone when I see his smile
Through tears at night on a lonely mile
I am not alone when i whisper his name
Hoping he hears me and is doing he same
Im not alone when i listen to the rain
and remember lying in his bed
I am not alone when i laugh at things he has said
When they're playing in my head
Its ok to hold his shirt before i go to sleep
because i love the scent it seems to keep
I am not alone when i know he's alright
cause I know I will hold him again someday
I am not alone when I hear I love you
and it makes it all ok.

I am with you.

I close my eyes and feel your fingers through my hair
I can feel your eyes linger upon my face..
I can feel the warmth of your breath
Trickling down my neck
Your lips warming my cheek
Awakening dreams inside of me
Your hand running down my side
There is no where left to hide
I feel your body over me..
Your chest pressed against mine
My hands above my head
Our fingers intertwined
My breath.. it quickens within your ear
How did you know you'd find me here?
No words to speak
No more tears to fall
You have gathered the pieces of my soul
and returned to me.. them all
Never to falter
Never to lose
This memory of us
Of me loving you
I awake in the morning
craving your touch to feel
that you lying here beside me
was just not real
I lost myself in a dream
A place I desire
Where you are here with me
and our passions never tire
How can you lay there and say you never knew
What love has been..
Aren't I laying here with you?

No word.

Midnight is coming too soon
Still no word from you
My heart is weak outside your voice
I have so much but I have no choice
But to fight this time
To let you be
To walk away
and hope you follow me
I cannot be the fool
I cannot give you any more
If i can not feel your heart beating
I do not want mine to beat any more
If i cannot see you smiling
Then i shall give my smile away
If I can not feel you breathing
I shall spend my last breath to say
You know what it would be
Why does it have to be this way?
Can you no longer hear me
Have my words run so dry
That you have blocked out my whispers
Learned to hate me when I cry
To be held, to be dreamt of
To be wanted, to be so loved
By you.. only you
Im knocking on your door tonight
Telling you I need you baby
I don't want to fight
I just want you to hold me
To let me cry in your bed
Cause Loving you has captured
My every conscious breath
I do not want to sit here waiting
thinking it is true
That the reason your not calling
is cause you had other things to do
Shouldnt I be the reason
You smile in your sleep?
Shouldnt I be that purpose
Your blood has run so deep
Should my voice not be a craving
You cannot wait to hear
Should my love not be enough
to have you lying here?

My Requiem to him.

If one breath.. One touch
Would be the end of me
Could you be the one
To set me free?

If this life is it
If tomorrow is not free
Would you be the one to cherish
To fall into endlessly?

If yesterday were not for sale
If only we were just born
Would you still see me this way
Will my heart go untorn?

If there is a better place for you
to lay your head to sleep
How long will you stay this time
Stealing this time from me?

If you could find me in my dreams
Save me from the dark
Would you hold your candle high for me
Would you be that shining star?

If you could hide from what you know
If you could walk away
Would you choose to not remember me?
Would you forget your heart this day?

If every breath from now you took
you took to live for two
Would you have to remind yourself to breath this time
Would the millstone overwhelm you?

Heavy on your conscience
Your heart is no longer your own
That your actions cause reactions
Would you choose to share your throne?

If you could be the final chapter
In which these eyes will read
Will it be written of tears in joy
Or blood.. my heart shall bleed?

This is who I really am..

If you really know me
You will know where to find me
Let us leave these promises unspoken
Let us keep our hearts Unbroken

So I can't change the places we have gone
I can't undo what feels so wrong
It is never too late to make this right
If you take your heart and remember..
It is worth the fight.

It is beyond what everyone believes I can do..
To steal my dreams back
Face hell to make them true
I can make promises and see them through
Will I count you in..
Do you even want to?

Maybe one day you will lose your fear
Maybe that day.. I will find you here..

I can see you tonight

so amazing..
In the moonlight

You are my sweet dream..
My comfort in the night

When we close our eyes
It all goes away
Loved in the night
then forgotten by day

Can you look into my eyes my love.. or are you still afraid to see..
That this woman that once stood before you
has been humbled to her knees?
I cannot pretend i am someone else
I cant stand back and watch you
as you try to put this fire out

Would looking in your eyes..
Merely break my heart?
Lying here so close
But realizing..
We are worlds apart?

I choose to stand and cross your lines
Your heart is still yours..
While mine is no longer mine
There is no where to go
But going out of my mind
Questioning the thought
Of this love Dying

Cheers to the days we have left
Hats going off to myself..
For trying my best
I give myself to you
Free to do as you want to do

I will pretend you say what i want to hear
I will imagine when i am alone
You would cross hells path..
Just to be here

I will write your chapters with scented pages
I will keep your moments in platinum cages

Just lie there still my love
..My beautiful ache
That hangs me in the balance
Of desire or fate..

What if I screamed out loud
What if i stole away
The consciousness of being too much
What left then would you have to say?
Would i be your everything then?

I already know where my thoughts leave you
If I want to hold you
I am forced to deceive you
Breaking to love you
Dying for more
Saying only half of what is true
What am I doing this for?

Maybe it is time we both understand
this is who..
I really am.

It is ok if there is nothing to say
I will pretend I am alright
until the daylight goes away
Hold in my tears
Till the pillow cradles my head
Releasing into the day
The thoughts..
That return to me
In my bed.

For the one I will love.. my precious insanity
I will love you for everything you are..
So love me for everything I am.

Making it right.

Im throwin the music aside tonight
Letting the darkness wash out the light
No where to turn than in towards my eyes
I look in the mirror with no where to hide

Is it really me?
Am i the reason why?
Angels run and demons cry..

Tie this turniquit round my heart
I cant take this anymore
I climb out the window
and try to hide
as you are walking through the door

I do not want you to see me this way
Half of you for all of me
That is not what true love should be

Baby your my world
the reason i smile at night
Couldn't you just stay a while
To let me feel its all alright?

Its not a word
Its not a choice
That I cannot breath
When I cannot hear your voice

This may be a sickness
A corruption of my heart
from remnants of my past
My world has been torn apart

It is not you
I know this now
It is only how i see
What I have lost somehow

I wait to hurt.. this just isnt fair
I do not want this feeling
It is too much to bare

I cannot control it
I am trying so hard
To put things together
I have gotten this far

Can you just hold me one more day?
Forget the stupid things I always say?

Can you just give me that place in your world?
Realize the pain you erase when you call me your girl..

I am fighting my insecurities
Trying to throw them down
but then i sit there with them
When you are nowhere
to be found

I am sorry, I wish I had never been
the one to hold everything in
Forgive me for id been broken
this life has not been fair
But i find a reason to Try again
Everytime I see you standing there..

I am taking this moment
to try and fight
the worlds of wrong
and make them right
I am taking this love
and holding on
to the hand I have waited for
To make me strong

So forgive me when I love you too much
Forgive me when I try
To say the things i need to say
To show you what makes me hurt inside

Forgive me for ways I want you
Forgive the way i hold you so long
Just try to remember Im just a girl
Trying to make right, all that has gone so wrong.

Did I say I love you today? =)

Where do I fall?

Everyday
Waking to feel your presence
Turning over to feel your breath
Its gone again
Where have you been
Hiding within yourself
Within your worries
Losing myself to your silence
Consuming yourself in your Apathy
Time passes by and windows are being opened
You do not have to push me
Ill jump out on my own
My make up smeared
Does this mean im only partially deceiving the world?
I watch from your window
PLanning where id like to fall
What are the chances I will end up where i want to?
Why has it come to this?
When will you finally look my way?
What part will go numb first
slowly shutting down
Condeming myself for wanting to feel
To never lose a moment
Your time seems so plentiful
the way you throw it to the ground for another day
Would be nice to stop loving you today
knowing you will always be there in my tomorrow
But i have lived that life
I have watched that fail
I refuse to not give everything i am
every day i can
I have watched my security being torn from me
I have woken in the night lost..
No longer sure where i was going
Dont expect me to stand back and pretend
You may never go, if i dont know when
Whether in living or your death
I will have loved your every breath
Knowing you needed nothing more
Than the person i have become
Than the woman you adore
I turn from the window and look in your eyes
You love me, and i finally realize
I step down and lay by your side
Laying my head.. where your heart resides
I love you.

Could this be for you?

Could this be for you..
What would it matter anyway?
Everywhere i turn
Everything i am missing
You hold the key
You hold it so tight, your hand bleeds
Battling the agreeance to sleep
Stay away from me tonight
Hide me from the light
Let my eyes turn red staring at this picture in my mind
Let my tears run dry
fighting off the world
Fighting off the supposed Good
Secret desires are cruel arent they?
I warned you
I warned them all
Stay away from me
I will be your greatest mistake
That is all i have ever become
It kills me that we won't die together
It burns inside me, knowing that my memory is soon to fade
Knowing I will always wonder why
Didnt i say You deserve much better
that it wasnt you, it was me
It wasnt a fucking line
It was your freedom
You handed me your heart
So I sit here holding it
Wondering what to do with it
Wondering if I will ever be selfless enough to give it back
To walk up and lay it in your hand
and turn to walk away
Closure is a myth
Pretending to not feel the pain
Imagining we are Alive
Doesnt it feel so good?
NO!
It doesnt!
Its like an injection of dead blood
running through my veins
Thoughts of you release this poisoning
This deafening silence
When the world stands still
I look to the sky and wonder if that is You on the wind
If you have sent your pain in a whirlwind
Blowing past me
To remind me you are still there
Existing
Making me stop in my tracks
Screaming your name in my head
Binding my hands to stop my heart
Hiding..
I am hiding
I don't think it will ever be safe
To know who i am inside
To know what i truly feel
And how i will destroy myself
to heal myself
I dont think it will ever be right
To live this way
To fake this life
to Make this life
I am so many things.. in their minds
So Many Things
I am a song that no one sings..
Because no one wants to believe this exists
No one wants to see what is not so beautiful
Sit there and look pretty
Dont speak
Dont Cry
Just sit..
Push it all outside of your mind
Distract your pretty little head
Dont listen to the whispers
Pay no heed to the laughing outside these walls
So its best you didnt get tangled up in my web
But it is too late for you
There you are..
Here.. I am
Standing here below you holding your bleeding heart
extended to you my love..
I no longer have the strength to try and save you
Only let you join me
Oh it will be
It will
No one pays attention anyway
I could light so many fires
before they even see the smoke
Burn you alive?
Never
You have suffered enough
It is my turn now
I fight alone now..
I am so tired
Thats all i can think
I hear.. You are not alone
Over and over in my head
BUT I AM
I Am Alone
Who the fuck is in my head saying that...LIES
Lies..
So one day.. you said.. What else could it be
Nothing else..
Nothing
Love through hate..Or is it merely
Hate.. through Love?
I was once told, you choose who to fall in love with
And i thought he was so right
I thought he held all the answers in his hands
I felt comfort
I thought i had just had an epiphany of the truth
But he was wrong
You dont choose love..
It chooses you.
And you can fight it tooth and nail
You can fight it until you battered and bruised
You will Never win
Never..
It consumes you
Like a plague
A euphoric plague that diminishes your sense of self
A demon that steals away your free will
Chains you to a wall of purgatory
Every breath is numb
Every heartbeat is faint
Everything tastes like NOTHING
Love is your master
And you are a slave among many
Thrown to the masses
Lost and wounded
Trying to find your way back home
I want to go home.

I miss Him.

Will the moments in between be too much?
How can every goodbye be so bittersweet?
How can every hello be so craved?
Is it not enough to know he is yours,
That somewhere out there.. He loves you?
Guess i never thought of it that way
With most, time creates a numbness
A loss of excitement
but still.. only hours outside his glance
I miss him.. like a poet misses the pain
I miss him..
Without him, I no longer feel the rain
My hand is empty now
There is nothing there to reach for
Left alone with my emotions once again
I just wanted to live each day like my last
To love so deeply..
To show him what Love truly is.
I felt the end the other night
In a vision maybe
Not the end of us, but the end of All that will be
I felt my own mortality smack me in the face
I ran to him and held him in my arms
"Life is so short"
I don't want to live one moment without him
I did not think this would be me
I did not think I would feel what i do
I thought he would come, then he'd go
I did not think i would be sitting here crying
Just because he went Home.
I am at a loss for words
Afraid to say I love You
Listening to my soul speak it all night
as i lay with my arms wrapped around him
My hand pressed against his stomach
My lips pressed against his back
I listened to the wind outside my window as i held him
told him, id forgotten to stop and feel the wind
..Until today
Forgotten to listen
To the clocks ticking
to the beating of his heart
Forgotten the comfort of lying within love
walking in to a smile
leaning in.. to a kiss
I feel like i have woken from the deepest sleep
wiping away the cloudiness of my eyes
Finally feeling.. the precious meaning of life
They say, "You do not know what you had until it is gone".
Well.. Sometimes "They"..
Are Wrong.
I know.

Sleep no longer.

Magic Potion
of eyes wide open
Stir my soul
Repair the BrOken
I shadow many
Follow few
I reach for strangers
to pull them through
give them fragments
of hope to renew
Faith in humanity
A reason to shine
Grasp on reality
When our fates intertwine
Missing pieces
placed in their hand
Unlit corners
No longer withstand
The Light within them
SLeeping no longer
How brilliant they shine
Rebirthing Stronger
Your light from mine
I touch your face
"This is Your time"

Hollow Love.

Forget my eyes..
They no longer cry
I may fall down
But do not reach for me
I do not want your pity
I do not want your sympathy
Your Love is Not sympathetic
Your love is Conditional
Conditions written by your obsession
Cut into me with your anger
Strangle me with Your needs
This is not what Love does
This is what makes hearts bleed
I will not turn around
This is a final goodbye
Releasing all your demons
CReating distance.. Cutting ties
A muse that no longer Amuses you
Just Binds and confuses You
A goddess Hiding her disease
Behind a mask of beautiful deceit
This is Your devestation
Your obsession
Your Manifestation
Dead to the world
Leaving behind an emptiness
With residual passions
A memory of a thought
A poetic Possession
Forcing you into regression
You can no longer push what is no longer there
You cannot reach out if you no longer care
I will not stay with you here
Watch me slip away
Leaving these bruises
Watch me Laugh and Fade
Everyone loses
Your screaming out "Go Away"
But your realy asking.. "Why arent you begging me to stay?"
No more Im sorry
No more asking why
Just pull in your end of this string
Wrap it around yourself and Cry
This is my Goodbye.

Words of Blood.

I have painted your memory into a beautiful ache
One that reaches out and turns the hearts of strangers
Had you never came
Had you never went
What purity would my words endure?
This story belongs to you
This is for you..
I have turned you into something to crave
I have made your eyes visible in the souls of others
I parted your wings and made you human
I take a part of you which now belongs to me
My breath seeps into my pillow
Loud and disruptive
My heart beats this unwanted blood through my veins
the blood that once meant something to you
I have created this prison
Where i keep you in these pages
Like a caged animal for all to view
Putting your weaknesses on display
They think your a god..
to bring me to my knees
To weaken what they know as strength
But you and I know
You are nothing outside my mind
We had a place.. and you burned it to the ground
We had what everyone wants
What Men have died to defend
And You surrendered it all
So I add the finishing touches to your Great Tragedy
Singe the wound and tie the last stitch
You will heal just fine
Your just another torn out page
Just another tearful memory
Not a tear for your return
But a tear of pity for myself perhaps
A shameful memory of watching myself unravel
Seeing what I had been reduced to in your absence
You were only a vapor of reality
An apparition of what my mind created
A counterpart in a fantasy fed to us as children
And taken away as we grow older
The night will come and I will lay you to rest
Placing within you a token of my gratitude
Thank you for giving me this passion to live on without you
Thank you for walking away and leaving me with my thoughts
Thank you for each night I had to endure
For ripping my heart open and allowing my blood to form words
These words..
This Blood...
Now I give it away to the world..
Not just you
Without you now.. I am never alone.
I am given to this world
Thank You.

Until Then..

The moon isnt as beautiful anymore
The stars are falling but all wishing has seized
The dance we dreamt of will never come
The musics essence has rendered numb

Senses gone.. you promised to not forget
I promised to never walk away
My words have turned sour
and here i stay

How can I trust that love is blind
That no one will see into my heart
and know what is inside mine

The tides are changing
Seasons misplaced in time
and yet the world still spins
each day without fail
My lungs still breath
When nothing feels the same
and so much of you remains

Every turn the wrong way
So i stand here for awhile
Taking in all that has been
Dreaming of your smile

My last mistakes left to choose
Lingering through my mind the precious.. the few

The sadness obliterated with distractions
The thoughts muffled with a false sense of security
A pillow if you may..
To smother the life I have forseen
A Stone.. to shatter the glass you watch me through
A death row Pardon..
Granted..
and yet the reaper follows close behind.

Where will I go.. unknowing of the end
I should turn around to look death in the eyes..
meet him at his playground
But now is not the time
For now i will close my eyes
Head to the ground..

Still waiting for my senses
Hand outreached for strength...
Heart holding in the truth..
Until then..
Until then.

FalleN And CoNtent.

Hold my hand in yours
Can you feel me breathing now?
Your heartbeat deafens the silence
Water falling from behind
A candles flicker dances on the ceiling
A kiss to remind you im still there
A sigh to question if you are too
I have never heard my thoughts so loud
To kiss your body and warm my lips
Lay against you leaving no room to be torn apart
This perfection may never leave this room
Your words may not say what it is you say right now
Your touch may not linger outside these walls
So i lead you here
Time after time
To remember what it is by day
That i crave into each night
Silencing the confusion in this darkness
Taking in the love that belongs to me
Wearing it upon my neck
Checking in the mirror to be sure it still adorns my chest
Inking a heart onto my wrist
Letting it seep into my veins
A heart.. to bleed inwards
for you..
Asleep again..
Fallen and content
Never to drift away.

To my dearest Lucifuge...

A list of tragedies.. written in short..
A day to supress the dreams of Happiness
A moment to grasp what is real and true
Handed a glimpse of faith
A tiny letter beneath your pillow
A whisper into your eyes wide shut
"I am here...I am here!"

To my dearest Lucifuge

Reclamation.

My drug.. my addiction
My precious pain
All lies in your words
Your constant return
After all it wasnt that far to fall
In my sobriety I look away and think not of the butterflies
Tear them up.. these endless love letters
Watch me throw them away
But do not let me see you
I am strong
as long as your gone

Your eyes make my heart tighten
The poison of your memory in my mind
Sight unclear
Where has my composure gone?
Nothing makes sense when you speak
But your a needle to my vein
A morphine to my craving
To dull the truth
With your darkened song
I hear myself humming it in my sleep
You keep cutting me.. cutting way too deep

Out on a limb..
Ready to fall.. to be free
Wont you reach out..
Spare my soul..
and push me..please?

I cast a part of me.. to make you follow it away
Just far enough to capture this apparition
As I close my eyes and run...
As far from you as i can be
Try to make you forget what you have seen
Pretend I never knew you
Pretend you never knew me
Wipe away the love you have envisioned
I think it is healthier this way
Better that you not hang on
Your words are over run by your actions
Ill admit where i have gone wrong

Staring at the sky.. breathing in the silence
I have forgotten how redeeming it feels to be free
I have forgotten the little things inside of me
Ill take this time to listen again
Ill take this time to be a friend
Ill give myself what has been taken away
I am reclaiming who i wanted to be yesterday

Looking in at Me.

Take a tiny string
wrap it around my finger
Remind me of what is wrong
Remind me of where I have been
Where I wake up from
Where I fall asleep
Alone

Take a tiny pin and poke it in my eye
Make it all even
For everything i said that was a lie
Its just a little pin prick
Its ok
Its ok to cry

I wanted to mean more
I want you to feel the other side of me
But you are that tiny pin
Strangle me with your tiny string

You'd want to know wouldnt you
How it would feel to be outside of me

Kiss me so it burns without
Hold me so your arms never feel the same
You wanted to look into my eyes
So the thought of them would haunt you
So the thought of me
never sets you free

Im supposed to make it better
Im supposed to save you
To shelter you from this world
To warm you from the cold
To pull you in and make you feel
To show you the meaning of real

And here I am.. failing
Here I am bleeding

Tell me is she ok?
Tell me is she in there?
I need to know
Where did she go?
How did she go?

Not walking into tragedy
I see the fire surround me
im walking through
away from you
Its time I fight for me
Its time I comfort me
Lick my wounds
Tastes so sweet to hurt doesn't it
Sounds so comforting to hear my own screams

There is Nothing Not inside of me
Here in the face of my own insanity

I feel it all
I see it all
I Give it ALL!!!

Not what you need..
Not what you see..

This mirror is so cruel
No longer outside looking in
But inside looking out
The vision I must go without
The one I perceive to be
The one they believe is me
No matter what angle i look..
How i try to see
There is no one else there
No one
STanding there beside me
They are all outside..
Outside Looking in at ME!!

Dedicated to: Those of you looking in..
So I guess... everyone! Take it.. this is for you!

Dream no more.

Your in my dreams and you will never know
You can't end up
Where you refuse to go
I lie here fighting the illness
One that leaves me week
Born into a world of confusion
Released free with a perfect imbalance
Sanity replaced only in sleep
When i smile it is infectious
So wont you hold me?
Be that reason I need?
I am pulled here to make others live
While i pull myself together each night
with no one to show me the way
I know now i can blame no one
Not even myself
For hiding within what i do not understand
For that which scares me
surely cannot be comforting to others
He says speak of it
I tell him I am afraid
If i can just hold in there a few more days
Everything will come together for a short time
and i can rest in the arms of love
Comfort lost with the kiss of goodbye
Misplaced happiness with the closing of the door
The silence is deafening
His absense an eclipse
Left with everything to lose
So the night falls
and i still hold his hand in mine
with my eyes pressed closed
knowing he is not really there
Dont take this away from me
Let me sleep
Let me dream
Holding the pillow he once layed his head
wrapping myself around it
lying my face against it as it were his chest
Landing safely into my dreams
never letting go
I want to show you..
I want to whisper to you gently
and move your heart
Hide the emptiness beneath your smile
Why not?
It all goes away in the end
I need you
to believe in me
Because its not better off this way
If I give my dreams to you
will you take them away from me?
If i show you where I want to go
Will you close your eyes, pretending not to see?
Waiting for the breakdown
That bond that nothing can come between
I will watch you on your way down
Hold you tightly, while things first seen
seem so foreign.. feel so new
I will guide you my love..
I am not here to mislead you
Only take this world
and give you life u did not know
one unknown to many
and held by few
My heart for yours
Tied in Two
Your soul redeemed
Resting in this place till the sand replaces time
Holding onto one another
Your hand.. In Mine.
No longer just my dream

Breath of Heaven Lyrics.

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And i wonder what i've done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me
now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load i bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must i walk this path alone?

Be with me now.

Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder
as you watch my face,
If a wiser
one should have had my place,

But i offer all i am
For the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Not a blink.

I can make it through without you
but do i really have to
Standing here alone..
Laughing at the flames
Waiting for you to join me
It just doesnt really feel the same
I did this for you..
Not a blink at the worlds
id bring down for you
Crashing around me..
A great force to walk to you
There was just no other way
Than to turn my head
to make you stay

Take this kiss my love
Take it into your dream
I am here
Holding onto the gift you have given..
Flowing within you
The Warmth I have craved
The touch I have become addicted to
The taste of your lips on mine
Your finger running up my spine

I never imagined this was how it would become
I never knew you'd throw down your pride
and now.. here You stand before me
And i do not believe my eyes
Your heart still beating..
wildly

A flood of tears fall
to claim your heart again
Releasing every anxiety I have discovered
Here i breath again
No longer biting my lip and sigh
Fallen..
Gazing
towards the sky
You are amazing
I notice every little thing
I see every smile
I feel every breath you take in
I capture every glance
Never.. taken for granted
Never left for chance
Arms wide open i ran to you
Broke down the walls built
keeping me Without you.

The Turn Around.

These are the spaces in between
Where Always has turned to never
Where heartache fades to a smile
Maybe...Vanishes into Forever

These are the dreams in between
Where screaming turns to silence
Where Nothing becomes your everything
Guilt... Returns you to Innocence.

These are the moments in between
Where there is nothing left to fight
Where running away turns to standing still
Everything.. feels so right

This is the Reality in between
The Insanity..
Of life
Where Everything calms down
and for once you can see things happening
As they happen..
Not after they pass you by...

No more reasons to look behind.
No meanings left to search for.
No more words unspoken
No more walking out the door.

No more uncomfortable silence.. when love should be whispered in the wind
I love you too.

Dedicated to my love, Greg.
Unhappiness does not have to be the only inspiration.. I love you!

This is it.. it is Happening!

-ME-

Friday, 15th December 2006

TAURUS (Apr 21 - May 21)

How long is a piece of string? Write your answer please on a piece of string and send it to the following address. Better still, don't bother. Just give the string to a chicken and ask it to carry it across the road. The world is full of things we can neither properly quantify nor fully explain. That's what makes it magical. It's also what makes it mad. Your journey from now till Christmas is due to be both beautiful and bizarre. Appreciate what's good about it and be amused by whatever makes no sense.

-Greg and Cat-

Friday, 15th December 2006

LEO (Jul 24 - Aug 23)

They used to do a lot of slaughtering of the first born back in the olden days. A Pharaoh tried it in a vain attempt to keep Moses at bay. Herod, similarly, made a failed pre-emptive strike on Jesus. Who told them that a great soul was about to be born? An astrologer! This job carries a lot of responsibility. It is my duty to tell you now that a powerful force is about to rise up in your world. Don't waste energy trying to outwit or avoid it. Accept it. Embrace it. And allow it to bring forth a transformation.

-Erik-

Friday, 15th December 2006

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 - Dec 21)

The Sun, this weekend, edges ever closer to a conjunction with Pluto. Remember Pluto? This time last year, Pluto was a planet. Now, well, according to the scientists, it is not as important as it used to be. So, it won't be about to ensure that you have a life-changing experience, that you understand something crucial and that you walk through a doorway into a whole new realm within the next 48 hours or so. Or, er, will it? Actually, it will. You will remember this weekend for the rest of your life.

His weakness.

Are you taking me away
Come to mark your prey
Undone within your grasp
So tortured and bound
Little time has passed

The blood that falls beyond your eyes
Watching yours flow to the crypt
as you salivate for mine
An angels life blood you wish to sip

Poison wicked hearts of demons
What is it you hear
That you have not been seeing

Imititate light.. the shades have been pulled
You secretly desire..
The masses have been fooled

Smoke in the trees
You hide in the night
Fading into the darkness
Diminishing before the light

On my knees to pray
You come from behind
To feast my sweet vein
Your presence is weakened in MIne

You lust for the innocense
Like nectar of gods
Create an obsession
Yet the beauty forces your pause

Determined to possess
To turn.. to Sire
My eyes.. paralyze your senses
Only threatening your desire

You want to administer your threat
Join me at this alter
I open my eyes and the blood stained pillars
Washed white with my power

God given and Crucial is my walk
His divine plan.. becomes my life
My blood too pure for even
A gods emblazoned knife

So turn you will not
But gaze from afar
To crave this purity
like death to the pain
Set your eyes on this pale scar
watch it wash away in the rain

You have no power here.

How was I to know?

Cornered into a window
Backed into a hole
MInd like a siren
Heart of a fool

Hand to me the glimpse of you
Walk with me and make it through

Miles with no end
Inside out again

Take with me the All I am
Watch me wrap around you
PLace on me a silver band
of ink that we once drew

Hand to me a glimpse of me
Help me listen
Help me breath

Moments with no end
Im upside down again

I want to come undone
Its so beautiful being the Fallen one
Let me make you bleed
Oh how you aim to please

Pull my hair.. make me scream
You want to watch
Where you want to be
Carry myself into your dirty dream

Hate me hurt me
You dont want me to love
You want me to beg you to love me
You dont want to love me
You crave your obsession
You want to master the free

So now you want me to lay
to cry with every word you say
You want me to falter
My heart to return
But i was untied
You told me i lied
How was i to know
what was left deep inside

Seconds left to cry
I wont let you die
Shouldnt you be going now
You want to see me rip from inside?
With your heart lying all twisted and broken
I will not retrieve the love I have spoken


To thrive in passion
To give you a glimpse of what can become
To set your heart on fire
To search for The one.

I have been where you are
I have hurt like you do
I have forgiven that man
That has done to me
What i have done to you

Now I understand
Full circle.. oh so clear
Wiped away the questions
Questioned what was left to fear

I did not know what was coming
Only where my heart said to go
So i followed without hesitation
How was I to know?

He did this..

“Let’s Be Us Again” by Lonestar

Tell me what I have to do tonight
Cause I’d do anything to make it right
Let’s be us again
Sorry for the way I lost my head
I don’t know why I said the things I said
Let’s be us again

Here I stand, With everything to lose
and all I know is I don’t wanna ever see the end
Baby please I’m reaching out for you
Won’t you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let’s be us again

Look at me, I’m way past pride
Isn’t there some way that we can try
to be us again
Even if it takes awhile ill wait right here until I see that smile
That says we re us again

And here I stand with everything to lose
and all I know is I don’t ever wanna see the end
Baby please I m reaching out for you
wont u open up your heart and let me come back in
Lets be us again

Baby, baby what would I can’t imagine life without you
Here I stand with everything to loose
and all I know is I don’t wanna ever see the end
Baby please I’m reaching out for you wont you
open up your heart and let me come back in
Here I am I m reaching out for you
so wont u open up your heart and let me come back in
Lets be us again

Ohhh let’s be us again

He tripped.

How do you tell someone you can no longer love them
That a tiny place in their heart has been claimed
How do you make the pain go away when your soul is shining
How do you wipe away the tears when your left smiling at the end of the day
How do you walk away from something you have broken?
How do you right what you have done wrong?
When do ou accept there is nothing you can do..
That wrong has been done and worlds must fall.. in your aftermath?
Oh god... it is full circle.. I see it more than ever now..
My first love..
Him..
He did this to me
Oh god
Now i have done it to another..
and i now forgive him
Now.. i see why..

I walked away from my heart and left it at his doorstep
Hoping one day he would walk out and not step over it,
but trip and fall on his face..
He finally tripped...

In an instant..He threw away all of his pride
Said the words I almost died to hear..
and I fell apart..
Let the world disappear as i knew it would
and ran into his arms..

I am sorry world.. for loving someone I cannot live without.

I am Complete.

Yesterday.

Im tired of turning around
Tired of falling and grasping for ground
Let go.. watch this crash
The silence is comforting.. It means no one is left crying
I place my finger over my lips..
Don't let yourself speak
Now is not the time
You are weak
You are so fragile
I steal away your eyes
Do not watch their tears
Do not see them cry
Close the door and cover your ears
Stare at these walls and wipe away your tears
I will be your greatest mistake
There is no question about this
Hurts to love me.. hurts to know
Rips me apart everytime you must go
(even when my car got stuck in the snow)
Take my last breath of the air you breath
Watch the love turn to insanity
It clings to my lungs and makes things wrong
I turn to Hush.. wasnt that our song
shhh... this is the end
Why do the tears set fire to my soul
Why have i been lifted to see what is Whole
to lie here shattered.. dropped from the heights of the stairway
Roll over and stare at the moon
I will remember our yesterday