Thursday, March 15, 2007


How do you suck it up and tell your child nothing is wrong when you are lying on the ground crying harder that they themselves have ever cried?
How do you smile when they try everything in their power to make it better.. when your heart is so torn?
How do you convince yourself this is all a bad dream, when you wake up shaking in the night.. scared.. that the one you have known, trusted, and loved.. will never hold you again?
How do you wipe away the tears when your eyes hurt so bad?
How do you answer the phone when you know its another person asking how you are holding up.. and you know it is not him?
How do you convince your heart it is wrong to love him.. when it felt so right?
How do you look at your son and not think about how he used to cuddle up with him on the couch?
How do you feel the warm air on your skin from the summer coming.. and not think about how it felt the day you met him?
How do you go to the store.. and not look at those special little things you used to buy for him?
How do you just walk away without hurting?
How do you face.. every person you have faced through tear filled eyes?
How do you laugh.. while holding back such pain?
Who do you turn to when the One person you believed would always be there for you is Gone?
How can you write.. when everything on your mind is why?
How can you believe again, when the one thing you have come to believe.. was a lie?
How can you trust, when the one person you trusted the most can look you in the eyes and lie to you... Correction.. I am the person I trusted the most.. And i trusted my instinct that he was lying. As much as I did not want to believe it.. Because Love Trusts.. and i loved him so very much.. I felt it. In my heart I felt I was being done wrong. My heart did not lie.

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