Sunday, January 14, 2007

Could this be for you?

Could this be for you..
What would it matter anyway?
Everywhere i turn
Everything i am missing
You hold the key
You hold it so tight, your hand bleeds
Battling the agreeance to sleep
Stay away from me tonight
Hide me from the light
Let my eyes turn red staring at this picture in my mind
Let my tears run dry
fighting off the world
Fighting off the supposed Good
Secret desires are cruel arent they?
I warned you
I warned them all
Stay away from me
I will be your greatest mistake
That is all i have ever become
It kills me that we won't die together
It burns inside me, knowing that my memory is soon to fade
Knowing I will always wonder why
Didnt i say You deserve much better
that it wasnt you, it was me
It wasnt a fucking line
It was your freedom
You handed me your heart
So I sit here holding it
Wondering what to do with it
Wondering if I will ever be selfless enough to give it back
To walk up and lay it in your hand
and turn to walk away
Closure is a myth
Pretending to not feel the pain
Imagining we are Alive
Doesnt it feel so good?
It doesnt!
Its like an injection of dead blood
running through my veins
Thoughts of you release this poisoning
This deafening silence
When the world stands still
I look to the sky and wonder if that is You on the wind
If you have sent your pain in a whirlwind
Blowing past me
To remind me you are still there
Making me stop in my tracks
Screaming your name in my head
Binding my hands to stop my heart
I am hiding
I don't think it will ever be safe
To know who i am inside
To know what i truly feel
And how i will destroy myself
to heal myself
I dont think it will ever be right
To live this way
To fake this life
to Make this life
I am so many things.. in their minds
So Many Things
I am a song that no one sings..
Because no one wants to believe this exists
No one wants to see what is not so beautiful
Sit there and look pretty
Dont speak
Dont Cry
Just sit..
Push it all outside of your mind
Distract your pretty little head
Dont listen to the whispers
Pay no heed to the laughing outside these walls
So its best you didnt get tangled up in my web
But it is too late for you
There you are..
Here.. I am
Standing here below you holding your bleeding heart
extended to you my love..
I no longer have the strength to try and save you
Only let you join me
Oh it will be
It will
No one pays attention anyway
I could light so many fires
before they even see the smoke
Burn you alive?
You have suffered enough
It is my turn now
I fight alone now..
I am so tired
Thats all i can think
I hear.. You are not alone
Over and over in my head
I Am Alone
Who the fuck is in my head saying that...LIES
So one day.. you said.. What else could it be
Nothing else..
Love through hate..Or is it merely
Hate.. through Love?
I was once told, you choose who to fall in love with
And i thought he was so right
I thought he held all the answers in his hands
I felt comfort
I thought i had just had an epiphany of the truth
But he was wrong
You dont choose love..
It chooses you.
And you can fight it tooth and nail
You can fight it until you battered and bruised
You will Never win
It consumes you
Like a plague
A euphoric plague that diminishes your sense of self
A demon that steals away your free will
Chains you to a wall of purgatory
Every breath is numb
Every heartbeat is faint
Everything tastes like NOTHING
Love is your master
And you are a slave among many
Thrown to the masses
Lost and wounded
Trying to find your way back home
I want to go home.

1 comment:

C-dell said...

I know we are supposed to understand the underlying meaning, but I can't get that unless you tell what it is. Just for this one. I understand the others.