Monday, January 29, 2007

Hahah

Bounty lifted from his head
A bandage ripped from where he bled
Body lying cold and numb
To his death, His heart Succumb
To open his soul would yield her eyes
A fearless angel, no words describe
To fill his lungs with heaven's bliss
To wash away his lonliness
Deep and passionate she made her mark
A symbol upon his fiery heart
This man of words, heart gone broken
She stole his kiss, till nothing was spoken
Mourned by many, loving just one
Died to be held, by the Fallen One

Grown.

Afraid of what I am becomming
I just cant understand
How I can be replaced
Pushed away by your hand
There is a darkened cloud that
shades my heart
It doesnt let me see
Who you really are
It doesnt let me believe
Who i really am
Im just doing the best that i can
So im waiting for my final day
So i can let this all go away
Ive been told
I am the one
But left in the shadows
As fast as it had begun
And i sit here
Many moons into you
Many times i thought we were through
My heart has yet to replace you
I know I have always been ready to give
I know I have been waiting for my chance to live
within your embrace
For you i have fallen
Fallen from grace
but wherever it is you take me
I want to trust you wont forsake me
Sometimes id like to hide from you
You know too much of who i am
but when you look away each time
Im afraid you will never understand
So I hold you like a child
not ready to know the truth
I just hold you and whisper
How much i am in love with you
There are things in this life
worth waiting for
Wish I could see it in black in white
the way you do i guess
you either love or you don't
But you are missing the best
here inside these eyes you see
Is a soul thats falling endlessly
Behind this chest
a heart that beats
Through cloudy days
and lifes defeats
a soul that craves life
and every breath
to never be torn from you,
not even when it meets death
You are my passion
My evening star
Your my life desire
I hold you far
Above all else
I have ever known
In losing myself with you
My SELF..
has grown

Friday, January 26, 2007

Not Alone.

I was sitting here today and a song came on that reminded me it is ok.
That I am not the only one out there that feels lost without someone...
ThAT someone she loves..
Him.
That I am not the only one who would go down fighting for the love I believe in
That it is ok to wait and be patient.. completely focused on the one you love
It is ok to daydream about things that seem so surreal
It is ok to close your eyes and feel his touch
and do anything to make it real
To wait for his kiss, to never have enough
To see his face when he is not there
It is ok to desire more
It is ok to hurt, just because you care
It is ok to miss him when he wants to be alone
It is ok to silently listen for him on your phone
I am not the only one out there consumed by her heart
I am not the only one that wonders where you are
I am not alone when I see his smile
Through tears at night on a lonely mile
I am not alone when i whisper his name
Hoping he hears me and is doing he same
Im not alone when i listen to the rain
and remember lying in his bed
I am not alone when i laugh at things he has said
When they're playing in my head
Its ok to hold his shirt before i go to sleep
because i love the scent it seems to keep
I am not alone when i know he's alright
cause I know I will hold him again someday
I am not alone when I hear I love you
and it makes it all ok.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I am with you.

I close my eyes and feel your fingers through my hair
I can feel your eyes linger upon my face..
I can feel the warmth of your breath
Trickling down my neck
Your lips warming my cheek
Awakening dreams inside of me
Your hand running down my side
There is no where left to hide
I feel your body over me..
Your chest pressed against mine
My hands above my head
Our fingers intertwined
My breath.. it quickens within your ear
How did you know you'd find me here?
No words to speak
No more tears to fall
You have gathered the pieces of my soul
and returned to me.. them all
Never to falter
Never to lose
This memory of us
Of me loving you
I awake in the morning
craving your touch to feel
that you lying here beside me
was just not real
I lost myself in a dream
A place I desire
Where you are here with me
and our passions never tire
How can you lay there and say you never knew
What love has been..
Aren't I laying here with you?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

No word.

Midnight is coming too soon
Still no word from you
My heart is weak outside your voice
I have so much but I have no choice
But to fight this time
To let you be
To walk away
and hope you follow me
I cannot be the fool
I cannot give you any more
If i can not feel your heart beating
I do not want mine to beat any more
If i cannot see you smiling
Then i shall give my smile away
If I can not feel you breathing
I shall spend my last breath to say
You know what it would be
Why does it have to be this way?
Can you no longer hear me
Have my words run so dry
That you have blocked out my whispers
Learned to hate me when I cry
To be held, to be dreamt of
To be wanted, to be so loved
By you.. only you
Im knocking on your door tonight
Telling you I need you baby
I don't want to fight
I just want you to hold me
To let me cry in your bed
Cause Loving you has captured
My every conscious breath
I do not want to sit here waiting
thinking it is true
That the reason your not calling
is cause you had other things to do
Shouldnt I be the reason
You smile in your sleep?
Shouldnt I be that purpose
Your blood has run so deep
Should my voice not be a craving
You cannot wait to hear
Should my love not be enough
to have you lying here?

Monday, January 22, 2007

My Requiem to him.

If one breath.. One touch
Would be the end of me
Could you be the one
To set me free?

If this life is it
If tomorrow is not free
Would you be the one to cherish
To fall into endlessly?

If yesterday were not for sale
If only we were just born
Would you still see me this way
Will my heart go untorn?

If there is a better place for you
to lay your head to sleep
How long will you stay this time
Stealing this time from me?

If you could find me in my dreams
Save me from the dark
Would you hold your candle high for me
Would you be that shining star?

If you could hide from what you know
If you could walk away
Would you choose to not remember me?
Would you forget your heart this day?

If every breath from now you took
you took to live for two
Would you have to remind yourself to breath this time
Would the millstone overwhelm you?

Heavy on your conscience
Your heart is no longer your own
That your actions cause reactions
Would you choose to share your throne?

If you could be the final chapter
In which these eyes will read
Will it be written of tears in joy
Or blood.. my heart shall bleed?

This is who I really am..

If you really know me
You will know where to find me
Let us leave these promises unspoken
Let us keep our hearts Unbroken

So I can't change the places we have gone
I can't undo what feels so wrong
It is never too late to make this right
If you take your heart and remember..
It is worth the fight.

It is beyond what everyone believes I can do..
To steal my dreams back
Face hell to make them true
I can make promises and see them through
Will I count you in..
Do you even want to?

Maybe one day you will lose your fear
Maybe that day.. I will find you here..

I can see you tonight

so amazing..
In the moonlight

You are my sweet dream..
My comfort in the night

When we close our eyes
It all goes away
Loved in the night
then forgotten by day

Can you look into my eyes my love.. or are you still afraid to see..
That this woman that once stood before you
has been humbled to her knees?
I cannot pretend i am someone else
I cant stand back and watch you
as you try to put this fire out

Would looking in your eyes..
Merely break my heart?
Lying here so close
But realizing..
We are worlds apart?

I choose to stand and cross your lines
Your heart is still yours..
While mine is no longer mine
There is no where to go
But going out of my mind
Questioning the thought
Of this love Dying

Cheers to the days we have left
Hats going off to myself..
For trying my best
I give myself to you
Free to do as you want to do

I will pretend you say what i want to hear
I will imagine when i am alone
You would cross hells path..
Just to be here

I will write your chapters with scented pages
I will keep your moments in platinum cages

Just lie there still my love
..My beautiful ache
That hangs me in the balance
Of desire or fate..

What if I screamed out loud
What if i stole away
The consciousness of being too much
What left then would you have to say?
Would i be your everything then?

I already know where my thoughts leave you
If I want to hold you
I am forced to deceive you
Breaking to love you
Dying for more
Saying only half of what is true
What am I doing this for?

Maybe it is time we both understand
this is who..
I really am.

It is ok if there is nothing to say
I will pretend I am alright
until the daylight goes away
Hold in my tears
Till the pillow cradles my head
Releasing into the day
The thoughts..
That return to me
In my bed.

For my love.. my precious insanity
I love you for everything you are..
So love me for everything I am.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Making it right.

Im throwin the music aside tonight
Letting the darkness wash out the light
No where to turn than in towards my eyes
I look in the mirror with no where to hide

Is it really me?
Am i the reason why?
Angels run and demons cry..

Tie this turniquit round my heart
I cant take this anymore
I climb out the window
and try to hide
as you are walking through the door

I do not want you to see me this way
Half of you for all of me
That is not what true love should be

Baby your my world
the reason i smile at night
Couldn't you just stay a while
To let me feel its all alright?

Its not a word
Its not a choice
That I cannot breath
When I cannot hear your voice

This may be a sickness
A corruption of my heart
from remnants of my past
My world has been torn apart

It is not you
I know this now
It is only how i see
What I have lost somehow

I wait to hurt.. this just isnt fair
I do not want this feeling
It is too much to bare

I cannot control it
I am trying so hard
To put things together
I have gotten this far

Can you just hold me one more day?
Forget the stupid things I always say?

Can you just give me that place in your world?
Realize the pain you erase when you call me your girl..

I am fighting my insecurities
Trying to throw them down
but then i sit there with them
When you are nowhere
to be found

I am sorry, I wish I had never been
the one to hold everything in
Forgive me for id been broken
this life has not been fair
But i find a reason to Try again
Everytime I see you standing there..

I am taking this moment
to try and fight
the worlds of wrong
and make them right
I am taking this love
and holding on
to the hand I have waited for
To make me strong

So forgive me when I love you too much
Forgive me when I try
To say the things i need to say
To show you what makes me hurt inside

Forgive me for ways I want you
Forgive the way i hold you so long
Just try to remember Im just a girl
Trying to make right, all that has gone so wrong.

Did I say I love you today? =)

Monday, January 15, 2007

Where do I fall?

Everyday
Waking to feel your presence
Turning over to feel your breath
Its gone again
Where have you been
Hiding within yourself
Within your worries
Losing myself to your silence
Consuming yourself in your Apathy
Time passes by and windows are being opened
You do not have to push me
Ill jump out on my own
My make up smeared
Does this mean im only partially deceiving the world?
I watch from your window
PLanning where id like to fall
What are the chances I will end up where i want to?
Why has it come to this?
When will you finally look my way?
What part will go numb first
slowly shutting down
Condeming myself for wanting to feel
To never lose a moment
Your time seems so plentiful
the way you throw it to the ground for another day
Would be nice to stop loving you today
knowing you will always be there in my tomorrow
But i have lived that life
I have watched that fail
I refuse to not give everything i am
every day i can
I have watched my security being torn from me
I have woken in the night lost..
No longer sure where i was going
Dont expect me to stand back and pretend
You may never go, if i dont know when
Whether in living or your death
I will have loved your every breath
Knowing you needed nothing more
Than the person i have become
Than the woman you adore
I turn from the window and look in your eyes
You love me, and i finally realize
I step down and lay by your side
Laying my head.. where your heart resides
I love you.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Could this be for you?

Could this be for you..
What would it matter anyway?
Everywhere i turn
Everything i am missing
You hold the key
You hold it so tight, your hand bleeds
Battling the agreeance to sleep
Stay away from me tonight
Hide me from the light
Let my eyes turn red staring at this picture in my mind
Let my tears run dry
fighting off the world
Fighting off the supposed Good
Secret desires are cruel arent they?
I warned you
I warned them all
Stay away from me
I will be your greatest mistake
That is all i have ever become
It kills me that we won't die together
It burns inside me, knowing that my memory is soon to fade
Knowing I will always wonder why
Didnt i say You deserve much better
that it wasnt you, it was me
It wasnt a fucking line
It was your freedom
You handed me your heart
So I sit here holding it
Wondering what to do with it
Wondering if I will ever be selfless enough to give it back
To walk up and lay it in your hand
and turn to walk away
Closure is a myth
Pretending to not feel the pain
Imagining we are Alive
Doesnt it feel so good?
NO!
It doesnt!
Its like an injection of dead blood
running through my veins
Thoughts of you release this poisoning
This deafening silence
When the world stands still
I look to the sky and wonder if that is You on the wind
If you have sent your pain in a whirlwind
Blowing past me
To remind me you are still there
Existing
Making me stop in my tracks
Screaming your name in my head
Binding my hands to stop my heart
Hiding..
I am hiding
I don't think it will ever be safe
To know who i am inside
To know what i truly feel
And how i will destroy myself
to heal myself
I dont think it will ever be right
To live this way
To fake this life
to Make this life
I am so many things.. in their minds
So Many Things
I am a song that no one sings..
Because no one wants to believe this exists
No one wants to see what is not so beautiful
Sit there and look pretty
Dont speak
Dont Cry
Just sit..
Push it all outside of your mind
Distract your pretty little head
Dont listen to the whispers
Pay no heed to the laughing outside these walls
So its best you didnt get tangled up in my web
But it is too late for you
There you are..
Here.. I am
Standing here below you holding your bleeding heart
extended to you my love..
I no longer have the strength to try and save you
Only let you join me
Oh it will be
It will
No one pays attention anyway
I could light so many fires
before they even see the smoke
Burn you alive?
Never
You have suffered enough
It is my turn now
I fight alone now..
I am so tired
Thats all i can think
I hear.. You are not alone
Over and over in my head
BUT I AM
I Am Alone
Who the fuck is in my head saying that...LIES
Lies..
So one day.. you said.. What else could it be
Nothing else..
Nothing
Love through hate..Or is it merely
Hate.. through Love?
I was once told, you choose who to fall in love with
And i thought he was so right
I thought he held all the answers in his hands
I felt comfort
I thought i had just had an epiphany of the truth
But he was wrong
You dont choose love..
It chooses you.
And you can fight it tooth and nail
You can fight it until you battered and bruised
You will Never win
Never..
It consumes you
Like a plague
A euphoric plague that diminishes your sense of self
A demon that steals away your free will
Chains you to a wall of purgatory
Every breath is numb
Every heartbeat is faint
Everything tastes like NOTHING
Love is your master
And you are a slave among many
Thrown to the masses
Lost and wounded
Trying to find your way back home
I want to go home.

Friday, January 12, 2007

I miss Him.

Will the moments in between be too much?
How can every goodbye be so bittersweet?
How can every hello be so craved?
Is it not enough to know he is yours,
That somewhere out there.. He loves you?
Guess i never thought of it that way
With most, time creates a numbness
A loss of excitement
but still.. only hours outside his glance
I miss him.. like a poet misses the pain
I miss him..
Without him, I no longer feel the rain
My hand is empty now
There is nothing there to reach for
Left alone with my emotions once again
I just wanted to live each day like my last
To love so deeply..
To show him what Love truly is.
I felt the end the other night
In a vision maybe
Not the end of us, but the end of All that will be
I felt my own mortality smack me in the face
I ran to him and held him in my arms
"Life is so short"
I don't want to live one moment without him
I did not think this would be me
I did not think I would feel what i do
I thought he would come, then he'd go
I did not think i would be sitting here crying
Just because he went Home.
I am at a loss for words
Afraid to say I love You
Listening to my soul speak it all night
as i lay with my arms wrapped around him
My hand pressed against his stomach
My lips pressed against his back
I listened to the wind outside my window as i held him
told him, id forgotten to stop and feel the wind
..Until today
Forgotten to listen
To the clocks ticking
to the beating of his heart
Forgotten the comfort of lying within love
walking in to a smile
leaning in.. to a kiss
I feel like i have woken from the deepest sleep
wiping away the cloudiness of my eyes
Finally feeling.. the precious meaning of life
They say, "You do not know what you had until it is gone".
Well.. Sometimes "They"..
Are Wrong.
I know.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Sleep no longer.

Magic Potion
of eyes wide open
Stir my soul
Repair the BrOken
I shadow many
Follow few
I reach for strangers
to pull them through
give them fragments
of hope to renew
Faith in humanity
A reason to shine
Grasp on reality
When our fates intertwine
Missing pieces
placed in their hand
Unlit corners
No longer withstand
The Light within them
SLeeping no longer
How brilliant they shine
Rebirthing Stronger
Your light from mine
I touch your face
"This is Your time"

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Hollow Love.

Forget my eyes..
They no longer cry
I may fall down
But do not reach for me
I do not want your pity
I do not want your sympathy
Your Love is Not sympathetic
Your love is Conditional
Conditions written by your obsession
Cut into me with your anger
Strangle me with Your needs
This is not what Love does
This is what makes hearts bleed
I will not turn around
This is a final goodbye
Releasing all your demons
CReating distance.. Cutting ties
A muse that no longer Amuses you
Just Binds and confuses You
A goddess Hiding her disease
Behind a mask of beautiful deceit
This is Your devestation
Your obsession
Your Manifestation
Dead to the world
Leaving behind an emptiness
With residual passions
A memory of a thought
A poetic Possession
Forcing you into regression
You can no longer push what is no longer there
You cannot reach out if you no longer care
I will not stay with you here
Watch me slip away
Leaving these bruises
Watch me Laugh and Fade
Everyone loses
Your screaming out "Go Away"
But your realy asking.. "Why arent you begging me to stay?"
No more Im sorry
No more asking why
Just pull in your end of this string
Wrap it around yourself and Cry
This is my Goodbye.