Saturday, September 30, 2006

Im ok.

It is ok
Everything has fallen into its place
I see this world in front of me
And although it isnt what I expected
I know there are things beyond me
That i do not see coming
But they are
They are manifesting as we sit here now
Our future is created in our past
We are making these paths as we go
Walking upon a cherished destiny
I heard the voices tonight
Wise.. beautiful.. forgiving..
Accepting of my failures
Hopeful for my destination
I am loved
I know this
And who am I to deserve such unconditional love?
WHo am I to deserve these few lives that think of me so highly?
Loving the one that pushes them away
I am finally seeing what my reflection wants to show me
Looking into my own eyes..
Seeing the truth through the eyes of my soul
So I can walk away at any time and leave what is behind me.. just that
Behind me
I am going to be alright
I am going to find my place in this world
I am going to make a place in my heart
I am going to reserve a seat at my own funeral
Im going to sit right in the front and smile
Knowing that I found my 13
Knowing that this girl... carried the weight of a thousand lives
Just trying to make One right
Finding my place of belonging
Wide spread into the arms I dont belong to anymore
Letting go of the dreams I have clung to
Making them a reality worth living
I will bleed.. only if I must
But there is nothing that will leave my cuts bound
I will heal time and time again
I will tire.. only when I have become too numb
But nothing will deprive me of what I want to feel
I am not hiding.. You only need to look into my eyes
So you do not understand me..
So You no longer know me..
What is the sense of understanding what you feel?
You cannot know what changes from day to day
You cannot live without the will to change
I am not at fault for searching beyond these days
I am not guilty for being ignorant
Only for knowing too much
Knowing what is.. what isnt
What can be.. what can Never be
Knowing I can slip away.. but i will fight to stay
I know I can jump and never lose my way
Im blind to everything around me
and yet so aware
I run through it all like a child through an open field
I want to feel the wind through my hair
Open my hands as the leaves brush against them
Throw my head back and spin until I can no longer stand
this life
This one life
So precious.. So real
So alive inside
Why do I any longer hide?
If I am too much..
Then You have got to make room
If my words come out in riddle
Then You need to take the time to collect your own thoughts
Ive got nothing to lose that does not belong to me
Those who only want..
Know where they belong
Have you found your place yet?
Thankful I smile in their words
Take me for granted and I will grant in you nothing
If I am merely a pacifier..
There is no need for you here
Love me or leave me..

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