Monday, September 18, 2006

I bleed red..

Im a mother.. a friend.. a lover..
Im an Ex, Im a dream,
Im a liar who knows shame..
Im a cheater who knows the meaning of poor judgement..
Im a sinner who wants to make it to heaven..
Im a muse.. A fallen Angel who forgot her way home..
I am strong in my moments of weakness..
I am weak in my moments of strength..
I cant see the future and i try to forget the past.
Ive been abandoned.. Ive been found..
I have been rejected and accepted.
I have wished for death.. I have wished for one more breath.
I have Loved so deeply that my heart has shattered in his absence..
I have loved so casually that i spent more time wondering why I can't fall again..
I have hurt myself.. I have healed myself..
I have made mistakes that i can never take away..
I have hurt people that I never wanted to hurt..
I am selfish and yet so giving..
I want to change the world.. I forget about changing myself.
I have very few close friends.. and yet I would do anything for a complete stranger..
I am a hypocrite..
I have done things that have turned me into my worst enemy..
I know shame.. I know pride.. I know regret.. they are roomates to my soul.
I know the love of a child.. the love of a man.. and the love of oneself..
I have dreams that i dont want to wake from..
I have nightmares that wake me crying..
I drool in my sleep when im really tired..yeah.. i know cool huh?
I have a broken heart.. but i will smile when the opportunity arises.
I have an addiction. (or a few) but could it be so wrong afterall?
I know what it feels like to want your life to end..
I know what it is like to wake up each morning to wrap yourself around
the man you love and be thankful you have him..
i know what it feels like to be abandoned by the one man you loved more than yourself..
I know what its like to hurt someone that you loved..
I have been a fool.. I have been afraid..
I have been broken and put myself back together..
I have fallen and taught myself how to stand again..
I have danced in the rain.. I have laughed through my tears..
I have cried after making love..
I know desire. I know lust.
I know what it feels like to want something you cannot have..
I know what it feels like to have had something you can No longer have..
I know what it feels like to die.. I know what it feels like to be brought back to life..
I have known Hate.. I have known deception.
I can understand the things that confuse others,
and yet I am confused about understanding myself.
I have been inconsiderate.
I have been a dissappointment..

I think differently, and sometimes i wish I couldnt think at all.
I have asked for forgiveness.
I have been shallow..hiding the depth of my soul.
I have carried tears within my eyes every time I see a baby born..
I have given birth and i know the worst pain in the world..
and how quickly you forget it when you hold your child for the first time.
I believe in love at first sight.
I dont believe in perfection.. I do believe in compromise..
I believe any relationship needs balance and effort..
I am strong alone.. but stronger with love in my life.
I am co-dependant and independant.
I will never give up who I am to make someone happy.
I will not abandon myself to save another.
I have fears I cannot leave behind.
I have been alone in a room full of people.
I have been so alive.. alone with my lover.
I have made promises I couldnt keep.
I know what it is like to make love to someone and never want them to be outside you again..
To make love to someone and feel your bodies become one.. your eyes meet and your souls dance..
I have held the hand of a stranger in need.
I have been helped by strangers.
I know what it feels like to think you cant go on..
I know what it feels like to kick yourself in the ass to go on.
I know what it is to be depended on 24 hours a day by 3 children.
I know what it feels like to feel like you are failing them.. letting them down.
I know what it is to give up comfort to take on the world just
to make a better life for your children.
I have felt that i am not enough.. i have felt that i am too much.
I am stubborn and yet indecisive.
I dont plan things very well.. but i always get where i am going.. eventually!
I have driven into nowhere.. with no destination.
I have driven with a destination and never found what i was looking for.
I bleed red.
I know what it is to be Human!

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