Fear.

Im standing here on the edge..
I cant make sense of this
As fast as I say the words.. I fear I should not
I have been wondering lately if im a fool
If i should turn the other way
If my love is only breaking his heart
Usually I am relentless
But i have fallen and im afraid
Im not ready to feel this pain
I am sustaining this sanity
Trying to believe he is thinking of me right now
Trying to pretend he will call me soon and tell me how much he misses me
But i know the truth
It is dwelling in my heart and i do not want to see
I cannot bare to tell it he isnt coming back
That It is no longer allowed to love this man
I dont want to know
I want to run and hide.. so he cannot say goodbye
I dont know what to say..
I dont know what to do..
Except lie to my heart
I thought my happy ending was coming
I thought.. this could be it
I thought.. He must really love me to give me his forgiveness
Now this
Sitting here alone.. afraid to wonder where he is
and why it is not me he wants to be with
My own Sin has become my biggest fear
To feel the pain I gave to another
Turned around and handed to me with a big Bow
Maybe it Was too much to stay
Maybe I was too little to cherish
Maybe my apologies will never be enough
Its complicated waiting for him to love me
But it is the bed i have created
I am forced to watch him slip away as I reach so helplessly
to grasp his heart
to make everything go away
Because I cannot look away from what can be
Please god take away this ache
I dont want to be so unimportant
I dont want to be abandoned again
How could I make it through again?