Sunday, October 01, 2006


Breath in..
What have I done
What mess have I created
You call me a stranger when once you called me a lover
There is anger.. Too much to define
Caught beneath your eyes..
Born beneath the steps of time
I fear your resentment
I fear the way you look away
Release myself when i find myself in your arms
I can neglect the thoughts of every moment before and after
To only Love.. being there.. in that instant where you see me
To Hold you in the dark where you allow my touch to make your heart shutter
Barely breathing.. I hear your words in my ear
Close my eyes.. watch you fall away into this love
My path was written, but who am I to follow rules
My heart was set.. and mislead in one night
Have I shown myself the door to misery
Shall I turn to the hands of time and remind myself of who i have been..
...Until Now
You come to me in my dreams..
Dreams I cannot control
You have such power over me
I am battling a war within my own soul
Here.. Now.. Tomorrow.. and into the end
God save my soul
I am sure to stumble this life
I am sure to fall and bleed
I am unraveling at the deepest seem and laying myself before you
Do you even want to know what is within?
It goes beyond this
It is so much more than I can envision
I dont want to move on before i discover the truth
I should take this time to explore my heart
To know what makes it shutter... to understand this ache
To know what exists and what is merely My dream
To know.. have I been wrong all along
I want to see where this came from and take it all away
I want to scream at that little girl out in the rain
I want her to know I love her.. but she cant go on this way
I want her to stop being so afraid to feel.. to hurt..
I want to tell her.. they love her.. even if they cant show it.
To take her into my arms until she stops crying
I want to give her that warmth she did not know existed
That she had only dreamt about
I want to show her the ways her daddy loved her.. even if he dissappeared
I want to show her the things mommy hid to make their lives easier
I want her to know even parents make mistakes.. just as she will..
Mistakes that can change your whole life
Mistakes that can create an emptiness that nothing can fill
I want her to know there is not just One person out there that would die for her.. to know there are many.. but she refuses to see them
God watch over this child..
I cannot go back and show her these things
But I can go back and see the truth now
I can see.. but have i learned to find understanding
Is it too late to change what i have become?
Is it too late to show her love is not a stranger
But expressed in ways she may not understand
That she needs to stop looking for the obvious and begin to Feel the unseen
Can she do this?
Can we start from there?
Can we go over this life and look for the things we missed somewhere along the way
Should the past just be left in the passing horizon?
Left each day trying to make up for the last
Is there hope in places that we can no longer see..
Only remember

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