Ouch!

I remember when I loved you secretly
How i lusted out of control
I remember when i held you Secretly
Turning the trust of a lover
to trust of a fewl

I remember when I held your hand so close
How I fell into your arms
I remember The way you looked into my eyes
and how i thought there was no harm

I remember the night we made a pact
To live and love alone
To hold eachother when we fell
But forget one another when we went home

I remember the years you kept me warm
The secrets we shared and made
I remember the sweetness of your lips by night
how it turned to bitter jealousy during the day

I remember the way it had to end
The way you threw me to the floor
Hand crashed upon me
Anger of a thousand wars
When i told you i could not do this ANy more

I remember the fear that you would return
How I closed my eyes tried to forget
The place you once layed
The hearts we betrayed
I remember the ways you became

My biggest Mistake. My Greatest regret.

Sufferance.

Can i be your reoccuring dream?
Can I be your dying wish?
Can i steal your eyes for just a moment
and free your mind from all of this?


Can I be your pleasant night?
Can I be your rainy day?
Can I hold you close for just this one time
and push you down in the light of day?

Can I be the blackness in your heart?
Can i hold a candle to your fire?
Can i say i love you and will never leave
then walk away and never look back
Can I be your little liar?

Can I be your crescent moon
That lights your midnight sky?
Then dissappear..
Be no where near..
Leave you in the darkness to cry?

Can I be the passion you long to know
Pull you close then let you go

Can I be the Air you long to breath
Watch you suffocate without me

Can I be the thirst you cannot bare
Suffering dillusions without me there

Love so tender heart so true
Your greatest mistake was allowing me
To fall in love with You.

Follow.

Can you feel it?
That heart beat in the night?
The one that calls out to you
Wraps itself around your soul
Pulls you to your knees and gives you life

Do you Hear it?
That whisper in the wind?
Like angels sighing
Demons crying
Takes you down and breaths you in

Do you dream it?
The one you cannot see
But feel her touch upon your skin
Drives you to burn like hell from within
Waking to a passion of feverish pleas

To see her again
Steal fantasy from your eyes
She watches as you falter
Adorning a clever disguise

To hold her again
Not knowing where to go
A whisper
a dream
a heartbeat to follow.

Tonight.

I fall into your distant eyes
Find a way to compromise
The sunlight falls
Our moon will rise

I steal the silence to set you free
release the ache inside of me
forgotten all the sorrow
To let become, what will be

One breath left to say goodbye
One heart beat given from your final hello
One door closed with me inside
One door opened, to watch you go

Tragedy or fate,
Destiny or desire?
What a Fight you gave
To distinguish my fire

This Night will take whats left of me
Wake in the morning left so hollow
Passing the question
of want or need
what will be left for me
In my Tomorrow?

Fighting the illness,
so you'll not know
Each day may be our last
Everytime you go

Every kiss may be forgotten
If left within your mind
But fear not love, I will hold it tight
Let the memory live within mine

Im so afraid
I will have to go
before we finish
what we may never know

This love may be the chapter
I never get to write
Be it on paper, or in your soul
We will end this chapter, tonight.

Reasons left unknown
I've lost it all, yet grown

I am Fading into a vision
soon you will no longer see
I am Vanishing into the distance
Created by you...
from me

Be back soon.

Im no where near a place to give
Im lost without my passion to live
Im falling fast alone and lost
Reaching for sanity at any cost

I take this sip of your bitter wine
I lose myself in between the lines
I throw away the reasons to cry
To gather the pieces from your eyes

Shattered dreams with jagged pieces
Hearts confessed what time releases
Tracing your body in the dark
Trying to find my way back to my heart

I no longer count the days gone by
I no longer breathe when i want to cry
All is numb, Im trying to feel
I have forgotten how to speak
as you lie there still

Your eyes they follow my every desire
Watching as I set myself on fire

My souls gone vacant
Left a sign
Be back soon
to make you mine.

Defeated.

It could have been you but it wasn’t

And now I’ve been led astray

That call in the night

Saying everything is alright

Just let go of it all, its ok

It could have been IT but it wasn’t

Cause you never believed it was true

Now your dreams crashing down

With no one around

And I'm standing outside, without you

This could have been something, but it wasn’t

No longer does your heart quiver inside

So you run far from me

Where angels cannot see

Left fallen, screaming your name to the skies

Bleeding My heart shall arise

This should not come as surprise

Wounded I shall be

But you have taken nothing of me

For Long ago I lost my path and followed my heart

Not my eyes

Even angels can be the fooled

Fall to earth to feel what is whole

Watching you from above

Struggle outside of real love

Facing God’s wrath to give her a soul

“Make me human and Give up this life

Just to fall into humanity

Face a vengeful knife

To walk through shadows on my own

taste the wonders, I’ve never known”

With my wings left up there

I will falter to prayer

As I hang my Halo high

And said my last goodbyes

I pointed to You and said “There”

Those are the arms I will fall to

This is the man I have seen

I no longer sleep in the night

So I am surrendering my flight

To look into the eyes..I found in dream

So here I lie bound and broken

My heart bound by vows I have spoken

To my God that I pray

Will forgive me one day

For your human soul I have chosen

Hell over heaven to see

If your heart could be mended by me

But my words fall on deafened ears

My challenges ignored by simple fears

Eyes wide shut, I bartered and pleaded

Not strong enough to wage a war

On a soul..

Who has already been defeated

He Surrendered long ago

To what, I shall never know

Just lingering now

Making it through somehow

There is nothing left for me

I should go home..

No one is Home.

I can stand or I can fall
I can laugh or I can cry
I can keep my head to the ground
or I can raise it to the sky

I can dance or sit it out
I can walk or run instead
I can hope or I can doubt
The memories and dreams within my head

I can hesitate
or Make my way
I can forget the things
I never heard you say

I can bleed
or I can heal
I can forget the ways
You made me feel

I can hate
but I'd love you still
A thousand scholars couldn't convince me
Our love was not real

I can triumph or I can fear
I can burn this to the ground
but I cant live without you here
I can't rest until you're found

I can question
what went wrong
Or throw my hands up
and just move on

I can see truth
or I can pretend
but I can't accept
this is where our journey ends

I can be anything
I ever dreamt I could be
But I don't want to be anything
If what you want, is not in Me

No god will hear me pray
No star will grant my wish
No genie in a bottle will save the day
And I just cant let go of this

I can show the world
but i can't make you see
Your the star I followed each night
That heart is the place I strived to be
In your arms, In your life
As your best friend
As your wife

Now I am wandering in the night
left so fucking aimlessly
Now you are the only star
I can no longer see
Now there is just no where
I will ever care to be
Without your heart I once called home
Lying here right next to me

Let it begin.

Dont you think for one minute
That her smile is alive
Dont you think for one minute
She is not left dying inside

Dont think I am left healing
When the wounds, they still bleed
Dont think I am still feeling
With this emptiness left in me

I miss the person i became
When I was becomming with you
That was the best of me
but now im the worse of the two

Feelings locked and thrown away
Saying whatever I want to say

Now Im empty
and getting by
Poisoning my body to death
to forget that look in your eye

The world as they see it.. im already gone
So they give up at the moment
I speak out what's wrong

Visions of places I used to be
Writhing like demons inside of me

BUrning sensations
of where your hands once pressed
Left foolish temptations
to remove this knife from my chest

But she's already lost
She's too far gone
To bother with untangling
A love gone so wrong


Dont you think for one moment
There is another place I'd rather be
If this world is still turning
You can be sure Im still lying
on the ground waisting..
Right where you left me

312 hours, thirteen days
born on the 13th
i remember when i wasnt the only one
Counting the ways

Seemingly so simple
the ways we fell together
Convinced love was enough
to pull us through the trials we weathered

BUt now as you say
Sometimes its just not
enough to pull us through
So lets just let it Rot!

Throw it away
Pray for the day
that i forget the reasons
I feel this way.

Walking through the dark
Wearing shadows on my skin
To hide from all the marks
and let the healing begin

My memory

After all this time I bought for you
You still stand there without a clue

You think you’re a man now
Somehow you think you understand
How to close your eyes and forget it all
That you are the designer of this plan

Watch me cry and walk away
Through with begging
Nothing left to pray

Watch me fall and break my heart
Through with wondering
And pulling you apart

Have your way
Its what you need
Ill have mine
There are no pleads
Strong enough to see you through
Strong enough to get to you

No tears are worth it in your eyes
Nothing sounds worse than when I cry

It would not exist if you would only give
The love you claim
Ready to live
How can I explain?

Leading the blind
With a gentle hand
When you fall ill reach out
And grab you by the hand

No more tears, I wait for the day
Either you hold on tight
Or let me get away

I give this chance to need no more
I give this heart
To show you what yours is for

I love in ways you’ve never seen
I need in ways you see obscene

Perhaps for once you’ve come across
A person who has learned
From what she has lost

Perhaps there is more
You do not know
If you look deep enough
My eyes will show

Perhaps there is a place
Inside you for me
If only it Exists
As My memory

Requited?

If I loved you would you care?
If I reached for you
Would you be there?
Would you hold my body close to you
And run your fingers through my hair?

If I needed you would it scare you?
If I ran to you, would you hide?
If I stood in the rain and screamed your name
Would you let me come inside?

If I sang you a song would you listen?
Would you hear all the words you’ve been missing?
Would your eyes shine bright?
If the time were right
Will it be my lips tonight that you’ll be kissing?

If I gaze into this endless sky
Could I Choose a star to get me by
A nightly sanctity where I'm not alone
Beside the moon
Till you come home.

Ever since.. The day i was born
I was lead a way.. un natural
Ever since That day in the rain
Ive forgotten the ways
To let go of the pain

This is the way
Life has to be
This is the story
Of giving everything
and losing me

Sometimes i wonder
Sometimes Im free
Sometimes i think about all the times
You had other places you would rather be

Ive been biding my time
Been so patiently kind
Ive been biting my tongue
from all the wrong that has been done

Im letting go of the thoughts
The what to do and what nots
Following my heart, its about time
I seize this world
And take whats mine

Put on the shroud
to mourn this death
To Love again
with all thats left

Darkened corners of my mind
Lost to preserve the moments in time
The days we yearned for anothers touch
To forget you were too little
and I
was too much!

...going home.

Cant you see.. these are my dreams?
I clutch them and never let go
You can walk away
but they will stay.

Cant you see Im letting go
Walking away with some things i never knew
Reclaiming the love you could not show
Im standing outside your walls again
Without you

My hands pulled safely to my head
My mind gone wicked,My heart still beating
After all that it has bled
Whats gone is left.. worth repeating

I've closed my eyes
Ill sleep this night
Im giving back your world
That is what your needing, right?

Learning to love,
Losing to learn
What tears me apart
What makes my soul burn

Im embracing your memory
through mounds of shattered glass
Im lying in my love letters
That you somehow looked right past

I'll run and run until I fall
I'll get back up and run some more
Cause without you i must go on
Learn to breath when my heart is sore

Learn to stand
without your hand
Learn to crawl
instead of fall
Learn to Fly
with broken wings
Learn to live
Without some things

Im walking with my head held down
But ill find a way to look up from the ground
Perhaps in a smile from the comfort of a friend
Ill find my way
no matter what..
Ill make my way

back home again.

Sentence Completion

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss was..
Sunday morning.. when i ran back and kissed him goodbye

2. I am listening to...
the saddest shit ever.. ys im pathetic

3. I don't talk...
to perverts... period. Its annoying

4. I love...
Writing and music... and I love.. Love

5. My best friends...
are truly amazing in the aspect they care so much about me. my pain becomes theirs

6. My first real kiss...
was forced on me.. but i wanted it

7. My first true love...
just came back in contact with me recently believe it or not. =)

8. I hate it when people ask...
How are you? Do you really care?

9. Love is..
the most amazing feeling in the world yet also the most gut wrenching agony when you can't be with the one you love.

10. Marriage is...
A sanctity.. a safe haven for lovers to dismiss their fears.. something no one understands or values but me and a few of you out there.

11. I am...
coping.. miserably

12. This weekend I will...
Go out.. whether it kills me or not.

13. I hurt...
when i think..

14. The last time I cried was because...
this morning.. listening to total eclipse of the heart

15. My cell phone...
should be ringing any time soon.. with a voice saying.. how are you holding up.

16. When I woke up in the morning...
i realized... this is real... again

17. Before I go to bed...
i do everything in my power to not think of greg... including chat till i fall asleep at my keyboard..

18. Right now I am thinking about...
calling greg, but i wont.

19. Babies are...
a gift from god

20. I get on myspace...
to entertain myself and friends

21. Today I...
will find a way to make it through one more day

22. Tonight I...
will do the same

23. Tomorrow will be...
another trial

24. I really want to...
hold him.. and feel his love again

7 nights

What am i supposed to say
That im glad you left and went away
What am i supposed to do
Not hear a song and think of you?
How am I supposed to deal with this
When it burns to think of the things i miss?

How am I supposed to believe
That your even left thinking of me
When i beg you to stay
to seize this day
You turn your back and leave

When i look in the mirror
Im left with doubt
That a smile will return
Now that im living without

I wish i were that reason
to make you change your mind
To take your fear of change
To lead you when your blind

I wish I were that chance
You couldnt risk to lose
The reason to be a better person
Me standing next to you

I know I wont wake up
The moon has passed again
7 nights of praying for a sign
This is really not the end.

So i hold you in my heart
My mind is lost with you
Ill look to the sky for the clouds to part
And dream of the day, I walk next to you.

How can i stop loving him...
please tell me how.

When he has been gone 7 hours and 16 days...

Yes I said 16 days because for the longest time i thought thats what she said...

I have been wrong before.. like now.. Oh well!

Nothing compares to you

by Sinead O'Connor

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since u took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since u took your love away
Since u been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
'Cos nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 U

It's been so lonely without u here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said girl u better try to have fun no matter what u do
but he's a fool
'Cos nothing compares 2 U

All the flowers that u planted mama
In the back yard
All died when u went away
I know that living with u baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'Cos nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 U

When he is gone 10 days...

I Miss You Lyrics

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

Lyrics to Taylor Swift Come In With The Rain

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there anymore and I
know all the steps up to your door
But I don't want to go there anymore
Talk to the wind, talk to the sky
Talk to the man with the reasons why
And let me know what you find

I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired tonight
to call your name
Just know I'm right here hoping
You'll come in with the rain

I could stand up and sing you a song
But I don't want to have to go that far and I
I've got you down, I know you by heart
And you don't even know where I start
Talk to yourself, talk to the tears
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Talk to the man who put you here
Don't wait for the sky to clear


I've watched you so long
screamed your name
I don't know what else
I can say

But I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired tonight
for all these games
Just know I'm right here hoping
You'll come in with the rain

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there
anymore..

I am sitting here waiting for any word
a smile, a confession
a reason to hope perhaps
But nothing is coming through
Only emptiness telling me
to get over you

im inpatiently waiting in a patient lie
Holding back every ounce of wanting to reach out
and beg you to hold me

They say...

They say take it in..
this is the way
To be strong and hold in
The things I want to say

They say, You'll get through
take a Look at yourself
There is more for you
Put him on a shelf

They say Im amazing
If he loves you, you will know
Only thing i hear is my heart
telling me "Don't let go."

They say there are more fish
But this love is for a man
A heart so bound in confusion
Fighting to understand

They say leave him be
He will come around
If this is right
His heart will fight
and what could be lost will be found

They say your crying has no worth
It changes nothing
but it still hurts

They say Cry out release the pain
If you hold it in
You'll go insane

They say that God will lead your heart
to hold onto your faith
It has gotten you this far

They say reach out to all but him
Dont let him see you cry
So I smile and pretend just as they wish
While I sit here wondering, Why?

So many voices, telling me what to do
but the only choice has already been made
Loving him.. is what I choose.

I used to be his girl.

He used to call me his girl
He used to look me in the eye
He used to be my world
He used to hold me when id cry

I used to kiss his face
and hold him while he'd sleep
I used to rub his back
To assure him he was safe with me

He used to smack my ass
and catch me off my guard
He used to make me laugh
When he acted like a tard

I used to fight so hard
to have him hold my hand
I thought i had the cards
To play a winning hand

He used to be the one
Who could take it all away
The reason I looked forward to
Finding each new day

I used to be that smile
He didnt know he had
When nothing seemed to be goin right
He was sure of one thing he had

He used be that fire
burning in my soul
To push me to my limits
and make me hit my goals

I used to have a battle
i thought was worth the world
Now im left with scars and stories
of when i Used to be his girl