Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I am HIS.

Drop another pill into my mouth..
Because i need it?
No because He said to
He said.. You have emotional issues..
Then he left
I loved once
I loved with such intent that it actually hurt to love so much
and now..
at the end
I swore I stood up and picked up the pieces
I swore I was ready to love again
and I walked away from that spot..
but left something behind
Something I fear may never be a part of me again
Remember the magic of naivity
When you could almost hear santas reigndeer on christmas eve?
Remember when you stayed up so late trying to see the tooth fairy?
Remember how sure you were ther was a monster under your bed?
I lost my innocent heart
Put everything into an Idea.. closed my eyes and reached out for something that i believed so deeply existed..
All of my life
The minute he turned to me as he left.. and said.. Just remember.. I love you..
and I replied.. No Chris.. You dont.
My innocense was lost.. forever.
As much as I wanted to believe I COULd find that feeling again..
As much as I told myself... you tasted what You Can have
Will I love once again?
Will the emptiness shatter and bring back what i have lost?
I am done searching my soul
I have made peace within myself.. with God.
SO he has gifted me..
And i reach out and love as he would..
I give as he would..
Yet I hurt.. and hurt.. and hurt
Breaking those i love
Tearing them up inside
Trying to save the lost
Trying to open the eyes of the abandoned
That is why I have suffered
That is why I cannot fall
If your love is not whole in our God..
It will never feel whole inside me
That is why I cannot fall
Because he controls me
He will not let me leave my path
I am his.
There cannot be Light in the darkness.
There cannot be Love without God.
I am Light.
Are you Darkness?

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