Pulling through...

I am putting my faith where it needs to be right now. In love, In god, In Chris.

I saw you... You were a sign.
I didnt hear what you were saying but i saw the look in your eyes
I couldnt understand why i wasnt enough
Im lost without him
Calling out in the night
Praying for the words that he intends to marry me as soon as things are right.
"This is not over"
Those words, the tiny ounce of hope he left in my soul...steal my heart and run it far from where I stand.
Those around me have become a life support system
waiting for the call to turn it off
We went through hell to be together. We pulled eachother through when one was weak, we carried one another.
I want to remain strong for him, with him.
I want to offer the comfort he needs right now.
Mom says I should write because thats what im good at.
I thought i would be able to write through this, but no words are coming to me, only emotion.
Im so scared he will never return to me..
I promise I am not trying to make his life harder
It is hard enough for me to pull myself together to live my day to day life. Is it so wrong in the middle of the night when the thoughts take over me I reach out for him?
I went through some of the emails we have shared and god they made my heart so warm.
I drew him a picture...of one of the last greatest moments we spent with eachother..

It was of a purple tree in the storm we held eachother in...