Sunday, April 23, 2006


"Me? How about my fiancé...yeah. That’s way more interesting! Her name is Katie. She is most definitely the woman of my dreams and my twin soul. Wonderful and precious she is and such a beautiful smile she has and with one glance should i could fall in love with her all over again. She is the kindest most generous person on the face of this planet. She truly is worth wars to be fought over for her..."

How could I not be in disbelief that this wonderful person doesn't love me anymore?

I have decided to write myself a goodbye letter from christy...

Hush my precious angel
You have fallen and broke your wings
Forgotten how to fly..
Forgotten why you fell
The world around us has not paused their lives in the aftershock
instead we sit miles apart, with our heads in our hands and our hearts on the floor.
Our souls will never be free
Our minds will forever be haunted by one anothers presence
Hush my precious angel
I cannot withstand to hear your cries
Your begging for me to stay and hold you just one moment longer
Your promises to change what made things unkind
Shhh...its not your fault
I cannot take away your pain any longer
I cannot carry your burdens by your side
I need to see you stand, but I can no longer carry you
Hush my precious angel
Your eyes are gazing into my soul and you know where to touch me to stir the pain.
The song you sing is one that will shatter hearts of those who have loved and lost... I cannot listen for it to will shatter mine
You will re-open the wounds that i need to heal
My heart may ache into eternity if i do not remove this ring
Hush my precious angel..
I am sorry for all of our pain
I am sorry that you will wake in the night hurting...crying out to me
I am sorry you can no longer be a part of my world
I am sorry I have to be so cold
The birds are singing outside your window, they have not gone, remember me in the way I used to talk to you about hearing them.
The clothes I once wore as we held eachother, still hang in your closet, remember how my flesh was once covered in these.
The space beside you in your bed at night still holds my presence in your mind, remember always the love we made, the way I would look into your eyes, the way my hands carressed your body in pure love....and only love.
The sun still shines in your eyes, it is still shining, leaving the most beautiful brown eyes glowing with the fire of your soul, remember the way I used to admire the many shades of your eyes.
Your lips still pass breath, you are still breathing, remember how i would gaze upon your lips, how i would kiss them at any chance we were allowed, remember that feeling throughout your body each and every time our lips met.
Your heart still beats, you are still alive, remember how I swore my heart was beating for you and only you...forever. Remember how you would lay your head on my chest and listen.
Our picture still sets on your nightstand, we were once so alive with passion, remember all those moments we captured, in our hearts, our souls, and our minds. Remember how each and every moment we spent together was precious and real... no one can ever take those moments away from you. At times you may wish you could erase them all, but they linger.
The letters I have written to you in my many confessions of love that i swore was endless, may have ended but remember I believed in myself as much as you did. Although I may have failed you, I know I will never feel that way for another person on this earth
Hush, you are a precious angel
Too much for a mere mortal like me
All the promises I have given you, I am taking away
All the dreams we built together, I am tearing down
I didnt come here to leave you
I didnt come here to lose
I didnt come here believing that i would ever be without you
I didnt come here to find out there was a weakness in my faith
I was brought here by my faith in love
...and i lost faith.
Im sorry, I have to go.

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