Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Sliding the rubber gloves onto my hands, my mind is drawn to the way I used to be wearing an engagement ring for so long that I was always careful to not disturb it... I feel a tingle as my fingers pull the glove past my finger with Nothing to catch.. nothing to be careful of.. there is a freedom from destroying anything.. there is no fear left... now that i pay attention to the fact that its gone...

I can do whatever I want, and nothing I do matters. Nothing I do will hurt anyone because I am alone. I am One. Unconnected and deprived from emotion??

Haaa... I have found myself looking forward so quickly.. trying to learn how to control my emotions.. how to unleash the Right words.
Trying to breathe.. and Just breathe.

Yeah, my existance effects no one.. I have 50 fucking people out there that are directly effected by my every action and thats not a Burden? but you know what.. its alright.. because I am living life and living it right, but also "LIVING"

I am ALIVE and well... touching tasting feeling thinking the things i want to think... DOING what it is that will bring me to better places in my mind and in my heart. Feeling what i want to feel...
and no one can stop me but myself... and that isnt going to happen. WHY should I?

He asked me to be a good girl *sigh* stopped my heart from beating for a moment.
I have learned to not think about these things anymore.. to only feel what is real.. and what is becoming... But to be considerate of who and what these people mean to me in their own ways.
That he is unable to think of another woman other than me...
He has given his devotion, to me.. to his goddess
He is laying his heart on the line, not for me to step on or walk over, but to lay beside it

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