Saturday, August 26, 2006

On your own!

I wish I could take a moment and write something good.. something that leaves you with a smile instead of a broken heart.. so I will let you know when that is possible.

I dreamt of him last night.. my ex fiance.. it was a sign.. it was a nightmare... but it is what we have become...
His touch was cold, and it only hurt me more to see him that way.. to write me a letter and never mention his love for me. Is that possible.. to love someone so much and never love them again.. like a switch? Have I been loving the wrong way all along?
Is waiting to fall... resisting love... Taking your time.. Not fail safe?
So if your taking your time to fall in love with someone.. dont bother.. You cant control what they will become. They may say Your love makes them want to be a better person.. but if they are not willing to Work for anything in life.. Then they just wont ever become that better person.
My affection had become a pacifier to a mommas boy.. A pacifier to men who are lonely but dont want to change their lives for Love...
Wouldnt it be nice to wake up tomorrow and have someone say.. You are my everything.. and I will do everything in my power to make this work.. I am Never giving up on us...
And then Actually do it?
Words are so weak and yet that is all i have to reach who You are.. Yes you.
I used to believe if i Just kept writing... If i just kept Expressing.. The One would find me..
Somehow I still believe this...
You will stumble upon these words.. roll around in my emotions and find your comfort that you have searched for... and not just crave to stay a while.. until feeling becomes too much.. but stay forever.
I looked at my life the other day and realized..
The one thing I want in life is to be in a Truly sincere relationship..
To have the rest of my life to look forward to
To give up nothing and give everything
To No longer search for the eyes I will gaze into for Years
but to merely look over at them
and I realized.. I am incomplete
Living.. striving.. Hoping
I dont believe in luck.. I dont believe what I need will fall into my lap
That is why i havent shut down what is left of me..
Im not broken.. Im just a little shattered..
Still one person.. just in different places
Im not like all the rest..
Id give a fortune to find another who has been abandoned by this world
and Still exists to make it theirs once again
Never giving up.. that is what it all comes down to
Yeah it hurts
Breathing hurts
Loving the wrong ones.. Hurt
Could the wrong one become the right one some day?
Do we think one day We will be enough to change the world
or just that One person out there
Is one person enough
Is one person just part of the road we travel.. then they hand us off to walk for a while alone..
until we stumble upon our next path.. our next attempt at completion?
27 years.. Twenty-Seven years people.. is that not long enough?
Welcome to existance
Welcome to humanity
Welcome to failure.. to living for our own individual dreams
to placing your name in a Jar and wating for your name to be picked
Welcome to finding it in your heart to forgive your creator
Welcome to finding salvation on your own
Point being.. On your Own!

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