Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Slipping from truth...

Searching my soul tonight
For a simple answer or ray of light
I cannot stand long enough to fight
Between what is wrong and what was right

Searching my heart within
There are so many places to begin
Its always cold its always dim
I just need to be with him

I am closing my eyes this time
He is much stronger than I am

There are so many miles between us
So many hours of time
So many faces and lives passing me by
So many worlds I will never be a part of

Why cant I breath his kiss?
Why cant I be in His world?
Why cant he be touching me?
Why is he pushing me away?

HE gave me life and is taking it away
He is tearing my soul, day by day
Where is my faith in what was meant to be?
Why am I not good enough for him to be here with me?

I wanted to be his only star
I wanted to be the only one his heart needs
I wanted to be the arms that he ran to
I wanted to be the soul that he takes to heaven with him
I wanted to be the one he would die for
I wanted to be the most important thing in his life
I wanted to be the only person that came between him and me.

Where do I go with this?
When my thoughts are too much to share with him
When my tears are falling For him
When I have sacrificed myself for what he needs

I know time will heal these wounds
I know I have given him a love I did not know I had
I know he was the one meant for me
I know this, but are we only meant to know love for one another
And never get to experience the full means of what could be?

Why do I feel like I should let him be free
Why do I feel that I should make a decision that may kill us both
Why do I feel he would be better off without me in his life
Why do I feel I should have stopped this before it began
I feel like I am so deeply in love with him it may be unhealthy
I cant talk to him without feeling deprived
I can’t stop these thoughts that I Hate to think
These thoughts are so far from the truth and yet I Feel them
My feelings are not coinciding with reality
Have I lost reality altogether?

He has stopped confessing his love to me as we have spent many nights
He no longer gets excited to hear from me
He no longer wonders why I haven’t called yet
I am an emotional burden
And when I express my needs, he feels like he is inadequate
And when I hold them inside I feel neglected

I know that distance kills our relationship
And we have gotten to the point where we should be ready to live in each others lives
Yet we are not, we are stuck in this dull slump of nothing but empty, lonely time
I know how I feel and I know he doesn’t feel the same way
Which brings me to question if he has rethought every word he has ever said
Has he reconsidered what he wanted to be to me
Has he realized how difficult things truly are… in the real life?

I need to leave him alone.
It isn’t until you are without that you truly realize what you had.
I know I will miss him more than I will miss being alive after death
I know he is what I live for and the pain of missing him will keep me alive
I feel like a horrible ugly sin in his life
I feel like he feels guilty for loving me
Why is it so wrong to love someone?
What is so wrong with love?

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