Saturday, November 12, 2005


I reach to the bottom and stir…
Feel, stop running.
Hiding yourself behind feeling too much, when you have in turn deprived yourself from all else.
Denying those you have found, those you have loved so passionately
Those your fire still burns for.
You will never be able to forget.
And yet you close your eyes and your soul shutters.
You KNOW…you know.
Their memory comes in songs and no other can be felt in the words
On my knees, hands tied behind myself… no pleads for mercy, no attempt to escape
Just dying to be owned. Dying to feel SO much Id never run away.
My wrists are sore, twisting to be free
My knees, weak and fragile, I want to rest where I never want to leave.
I want to fall and not get back up
I want to desire for eternity
I want to collide and Win for once.
Is that so wrong... What makes me so bad?
I want him to look at me and fuck the world…
I want him to push me down and hold me so fucking tight I can barely breathe
“I’m not going anywhere”
“I will fight with you”
“Fuck the world baby”
“I can’t believe you found me”
“I can’t believe where you take me”
Without you, I have never lived
Before you there was nothing
Now, there is everything and I will stop at nothing to build your castle
Stay here… no come with me, stand close behind and watch me do this... for You
You are my goddess
My soul
I will build this world around us, my hands will bleed and you will kiss them
No more pain, no more insanity.
Your thoughts are real, you KNEW… you knew and you are free now
Don’t run from your thoughts.
Don’t hide from your reality
You are the only one strong enough to hear the whispers
You are the only one not afraid of the worlds you must crash through
You are my porcelain goddess and I will worship thee with every second I am given
I don’t fear you’re leaving, for you fought so hard to get to me…
I rise to my feet and gaze at the beauty of our kingdom
What a beautiful place he has built around us
So secure, i'm not afraid.
I miss the fear
I miss the pain
I miss the aching of my heart to be consumed
I miss the tears, crying out for him
I miss his absence
I miss my insanity…
He looks away for a second
I run for the draw bridge
I scream… I fall.
He turns to see me run, starts running with such confusion in his eyes.
I can hear the quivering in my breath as I know not what compels me to run
I run so fast and never look back... until the screams disappear
Till he can no longer find me
Until I am free once again.
I throw myself down wildly to the ground, I cry so hard my heart feels like it has been shattered, the pieces tearing their way through my veins, body shaking, blood running from my knees.
I’m so lonely
So alone
And for a moment there is no emotion left to feel.
Only numbness I find all too familiar
A silence I dread
A wide eyed woman in her search for love
I nurse my wounds and admire my bruises
For a moment I am to be free, but a prisoner to one
I can never run from myself.

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