Almost Goodbye

This season I find it hard to celebrate The birth of Jesus when we are being forced to let go of someone that has been so precious to The world. God I know that you know what you are doing. I know that you knew our fate before we were even created, and I know that I may never rid myself of this bitter taste left by the unfortunate fate given to this man.

I have watched so many tears fall this past year, so many good people crumble before my eyes, all because of the pain we have all endured together watching helplessly as Jim battled cancer..and as much as we each wished we could take away his pain, we were only left standing with our hands tied and our heads hanging low.. This has been a cruel year, one with false hopes of recovery after a double surgery that was so painful that after that day to now he has not spent a day without pain, followed by a devastating aggressive return claiming that we had only one year left to be a part of what was left of jim's life, and then, as if one year wasn't leaving us all feeling robbed, the cancer had spread from your lungs into your brain, more rapidly then expected and within Weeks you were unable to stand or walk, we have been by you're bedside day and night watching one ability after another being stolen from you..

And helpless we remain as now you no longer wake up, no longer squeeze our hand, no longer speak, and we watch you struggling to breath.. It scares me to see how quickly someone can be taken away from us.. It scares me even more that cancer does not favor good or bad, black or white, male or female.. It is a cruel disease that takes who it wants at will...

I pray that when you pass you will find your place in gods kingdom. I pray that you walk beside Jesus and are finally free of all the pain this life has caused you.. I pray that you can finally rest and not worry about The family you created and are leaving behind.. Because once you cross through heavens gates, you will not worry for us here on earth for we will join you one day.. we will all walk again with you some day.

I love you, and for as long as you are here with us on earth, I will watch over you.. Because I know when you are finally in heaven, you will once again take your place in watching over all of us..