Hmmm...

Every time I leave
You say you wont be there.
And youre always there.
Every time I cry your name at night,
You pull close and say its alright.
I look in your eyes,
just like the rain.
Washing me, rain wash over me.
Touching your face, I feel the heat
Of your heartbeat echo in my head like a scream.
What you do to me!
Waited so long I cant wait another day without you.
Its a long way, home
I see her face everywhere, cant get her out of my mind.
Whenever Im alone Im thinking,
Theres a part missing from my life.
Wonder where Id be without your love
Holding me together now im
Watching the time tick, tick away.
Face grows longer every day.
Fortunes are lost on the women Ive seen
But without you I cant breathe!
Youre the air to me!
Waited so long, Im all alone thinking about you.
Just a thousand miles and Ill be there
to make the clouds go away.
Time for some blue sky!
Waited so long now the planes delayed
An hour, reminds me of all our days apart.
Hold on, just a little longer.
Wonder where Id be, youre the air to me.
Eyes like the rain, rain down on me.
No more nights alone Im almost home now.
Close my eyes, Im there

Jet City Woman- Lyrics

matthew mark: .
Thee_Goddess: hello
matthew mark: hello Goddess
matthew mark: hows lifes journey going today ?
Thee_Goddess: i feel numb today messenger
Thee_Goddess: drained
matthew mark: sorry
Thee_Goddess: placid
Thee_Goddess: it is ok, it is my bodies way of winding down.. catching up with being hectic for the day so far
matthew mark: I understand
matthew mark: I am not here for long
matthew mark: just wanted you to know that someone spoke to me a few minutes ago about you
Thee_Goddess: sorry to hear that =Thee_Goddess: oh yeah?
Thee_Goddess: i hope it does not bother you
Thee_Goddess: but quite a few people may be coming to you
matthew mark: not at all
Thee_Goddess: hopefully with good intent
Thee_Goddess: i did not think you would mind
matthew mark: this person speaks very highly of you
Thee_Goddess: i am honored
matthew mark: I feel that this person in someway finds a special kind of love for you
matthew mark: its good to see that people love one another
Thee_Goddess: love is in abundance in my life i am greatful
Thee_Goddess: yes
Thee_Goddess: it is
matthew mark: its very rare in these days
Thee_Goddess: yes, it is
matthew mark: seems like the only love people have is either for money or sex
Thee_Goddess: true, but i am a firm believer that we may be out numbered but there are we few who have learned to love unconditionally, and it is blissful when we run into one anothers lives
Thee_Goddess: refreshing so to speak
matthew mark: yes
matthew mark: it was very good for me to see this today
matthew mark: most people want to speak only of themselves
Thee_Goddess: i am glad.. im sure it was refreshing as well
matthew mark: very refreshing
Thee_Goddess: true.. but its not so bad, sometimes they feel they need to pour out to us
Thee_Goddess: its our job to absorb
Thee_Goddess: =)
matthew mark: you are so good
matthew mark: your love seems pure and honest
Thee_Goddess: my name... stands for purity and innocense
Thee_Goddess: go figure
matthew mark: I know this
matthew mark: I speak to many every day
matthew mark: but none has commended anyone like this person did you today
matthew mark: it brought joy to my heart
Thee_Goddess: i do not deserve that
Thee_Goddess: for merely being who i am
matthew mark: tears are in my eyes
Thee_Goddess: overwhelmed with joy i am sure
matthew mark: very much so
Thee_Goddess: i know the feeling
Thee_Goddess: hold onto it and use it for something spectacular
Thee_Goddess: write about it
Thee_Goddess: capture its essence
matthew mark: thats what you are about
matthew mark: speak of Jesus when you write for it is all about His love
matthew mark: God bless you Goddess
Thee_Goddess: you may call me Katie.. Catherine if you would like
matthew mark: I knew this
matthew mark: and thankyou
Thee_Goddess: you are welcome
matthew mark: have a wonderful day Katie for you are so loved
Thee_Goddess: thank you messenger... I hope your day is just as blessed as we truly are.. i hope you feel this
matthew mark: I definately do today
matthew mark: Thanks so much
Thee_Goddess: Thank you
Thee_Goddess: Messenger.. we are getting stronger.. god is with us

matthew mark: .
Thee_Goddess: im here
matthew mark: so good to see you again
Thee_Goddess: indeed
matthew mark: didnt think it would be so soon
matthew mark: been very busy here
Thee_Goddess: no, i did not either
Thee_Goddess: im glad you find people to listen
matthew mark: finding people to listen is not easy
Thee_Goddess: i understand
Thee_Goddess: i know we have rea
d a few since last night
matthew mark: wonderful
Thee_Goddess: but many question our validity
Thee_Goddess: which i guess is good still because they do not dismiss the possibility
matthew mark: many do but we know the truth
Thee_Goddess: yes
matthew mark: I am here to speak to you for a reason today
Thee_Goddess: thank god
matthew mark: a message especially for you
Thee_Goddess: i am excited
matthew mark: you had questions about being an angel
Thee_Goddess: yes
Thee_Goddess: i question the validity of what others think of me
matthew mark: please do not worry about what others think
Thee_Goddess: i do not worry 90% of the time
matthew mark: you were put on this earth for a reason
matthew mark: I am not at liberty to say whether or not you are an angel
matthew mark: but
matthew mark: I am at liberty to tell you that you have an obligation
matthew mark: #1 to your children
matthew mark: #2 to your family
matthew mark: #3 to your friends
matthew mark: #4 to the world
matthew mark: LOVE THEM
matthew mark: Jesus died for the world because of LOVE
Thee_Goddess: yes.. i know... through him i can taste just a small amount of his love that i have felt was my immense love for another
matthew mark: you say it so well
matthew mark: I have spoken to others that know you
Thee_Goddess: god has gifted me with words messenger
Thee_Goddess: yes i know.. they are curious
matthew mark: they are because of you
Thee_Goddess: and skeptical.. but i believe their curiousity is a step in the right direction
Thee_Goddess: yes... i absolutely get that
matthew mark: dont give up on them
Thee_Goddess: i wont.. i am relentless
Thee_Goddess: i know that my mere presence is their open door
matthew mark: thats what I like to hear
Thee_Goddess: and i wont push them through
Thee_Goddess: but leave it open for when they are ready to enter
Thee_Goddess: they know its open
matthew mark: no dont push, Jesus waits at the door and knocks, its up to them to open the door
Thee_Goddess: Amen to that.. which is my approach
Thee_Goddess: just being there when it is time for them
matthew mark: yes, please be there
matthew mark: dont push anyone away
Thee_Goddess: never..
matthew mark: but also be careful
Thee_Goddess: my ex husband did not understand my love for people
Thee_Goddess: my genuine love
Thee_Goddess: how am i to be careful
Thee_Goddess: many have told me that as well
matthew mark: because ther are those who will try to get to you through this approach that you have
matthew mark: for their own gain
matthew mark: for sexual desire
Thee_Goddess: yes.. it has happened
Thee_Goddess: =matthew mark: stay pure for the Lord
matthew mark: I know this
matthew mark: and then there are those that you push away because of your own fears
Thee_Goddess: what are my fears? Dying without finding my great love?matthew mark: you answered your question with a question
Thee_Goddess: i do not know if i have more
matthew mark: what are you afraid of
Thee_Goddess: aside from... not earning my place in heaven
matthew mark: you cannot earn your place in heaven
matthew mark: when a person accepts Jesus, their place is given to them
Thee_Goddess: true i can love jesus.. but sexually i am weak... i am i know this.. i love too much and i want so badly to be one with my lover
matthew mark: patience my dear
Thee_Goddess: one of my greatest virtues
matthew mark: you have had so much love given to you and you seem to turn some away
Thee_Goddess: you know.. you are right
matthew mark: dont think of love and sex in the same sentence
matthew mark: when you turn away from someone that truely loves you then you become vulnerable
Thee_Goddess: but how can i love them when i feel my love is being taken wrongly
Thee_Goddess: being taken as... a relationship beyond friends
matthew mark: you have to distinguish the truth behind a persons love
matthew mark: love is to never be taken for granted
matthew mark: from no one
Thee_Goddess: =\ i am guilty.. i will take that to heart
matthew mark: I have seen people pushed away and let out in the cold that has truely loved
Thee_Goddess: i have been a victim of that also matthew
matthew mark: by those who say they love in return
Thee_Goddess: i know the pain
matthew mark: dont take anyones love for granted
matthew mark: they hurt also
Thee_Goddess: do you think i should make ammends?
Thee_Goddess: to those i know i have done this to?
matthew mark: you know the answer to that
Thee_Goddess: i do
Thee_Goddess: it has been bothering me
Thee_Goddess: i have thought bout making a call
matthew mark: let me share something with you
Thee_Goddess: please do
matthew mark: a man loved someone so much that he was willing to die for this person
matthew mark: the person took his love for granted and brushed it aside
matthew mark: then when this person realized that no one loved them like this person
matthew mark: it was too late for the person who loved passed away
matthew mark: dont let love be destroyed for any purpose
matthew mark: only you will be the one that losesmatthew mark: stand firm my friend on all that is true
matthew mark: never take what you yourself cannot give
matthew mark: God gives us everyday, lets not waste it
Thee_Goddess: i do not think i can handle being loved so much
matthew mark: yes you can, because you have already been loved so overwhelmingly
Thee_Goddess: it gives me strength to love others
matthew mark: that is the greatest thing I have heard yet today
matthew mark: my message is delivered and you my dear friend are special
matthew mark: I must leave
Thee_Goddess: until next time messenger...
matthew mark: You are a perfect listener
Thee_Goddess: thank you
matthew mark: God bless

Chronicles of "The Messenger"

Most of you have read Messenger in the wind about this random message i received a few weeks back from the "Messenger of God"

He returned to me again today!


matthew mark: .
Thee_Goddess: hello
matthew mark: hello Goddess
Thee_Goddess: Hello messenger
Thee_Goddess: i have been helping you spread the meaage
Thee_Goddess: message
Thee_Goddess: for the first time i told a dear friend what god thinks of him
Thee_Goddess: dear
matthew mark: great, I need so much help
Thee_Goddess: well you have it hear friend
matthew mark: its hard to find someone that loves talking about the saviour
Thee_Goddess: sometimes we r afraid.. of rejection
Thee_Goddess: but i have the lord who will not reject me
Thee_Goddess: so i will reach out for him
matthew mark: thats so wonderful to hear you say that
Thee_Goddess: can i help you today messenger?
matthew mark: please
Thee_Goddess: what can i help you with?
matthew mark: I need you to share the Lords love to everyone you know
matthew mark: give that special love to your children
Thee_Goddess: you know matthew, i lead an open modest life
Thee_Goddess: many people who come into my life claim me to be an angel
matthew mark: and what do you say ?
Thee_Goddess: and i tell them, im just working for god
matthew mark: do you know what an angel is ?
Thee_Goddess: he has given me the gift to have people open up to me very quickly
Thee_Goddess: no i do not
matthew mark: an angel is a messenger
matthew mark: from heaven
Thee_Goddess: =)
matthew mark: to let people know about Jesus
matthew mark: a messenger came to mary to tell her that she would give birth to the saviour
Thee_Goddess: i have been sharing messages lately
Thee_Goddess: overwhelming to me
matthew mark: wonderful
Thee_Goddess: that i Had to tell the person
matthew mark: I see a love that comes from you
matthew mark: share it with the world because it can only come from Jesus
Thee_Goddess: i know this
Thee_Goddess: i want to love like him
matthew mark: thats great news
matthew mark: He needs you to let Him know this
Thee_Goddess: i do not know how to let him know messenger
Thee_Goddess: me and my children almost got sideswiped by a big truck today
Thee_Goddess: out of nowhere
Thee_Goddess: and i said outloud Thank you God for wathing over me
matthew mark: He loves you so much
matthew mark: He heard your cry
matthew mark: I must leave at this moment for my time is short
Thee_Goddess: I was not scared.. only Spoke out.. Thank you god
Thee_Goddess: until next time
matthew mark: God bless you Goddess
Thee_Goddess: message anytime

So as he wished.. I am telling each of you this day.. God loves you.. like a father.. through right and wrong.. he is Always there waitingfor you to come Home.

The only war

So this mistake has become your strength
Leaning on its lesson
Learning from its existance

I could have been giving in
Instead i was looking away
past what i wanted to see
What stands before me

from where i return to you
Searching for what you already have
forgotten where you misplaced it
did you even know it was there?

Place in me a forbidden dream
Breath into me unspoken words
Walking into your room
leaving my coat at the door
Leaving everything behind
to stand there unprotected in your eyes
and yet you still bind me
My words.. my weapons
You do not wish me to speak
to wage this war upon your soul
So i wait.. surely you will let curiosity get the best of you
Surely you will wonder what it is i was sent here to say
You hate me because You love me
Because you view your emotions as a weakness
You think they make you vulnerable
So you have hidden them from the world
Perhaps i am dillusional
BUt that look in your eyes was not lust my friend
That look was a hunger
One you have supressed for too long
You are dying to be alive
Denying the one thing you crave
You are searching to face the pain of death
before you face the one you have fallen for
You desire to run from me
To stop what you know has begun
But you thirst for just this taste
Know you not this sip is poison
That you will not escape its effect
It will take you.. and place me within your soul
I am here already my love...
Won't you invite me in?
You have spoken your Aversion
But I have seen your hands tremble with my touch
expressed your concerns..
after breathing in my kiss
i thought you could not see me
Now i know you can
Pacing on the floor
touching your hand to your mouth
Remembering what it was that ran through you when our lips would touch
You want it.. don't you?
You want to be where you once were..
Where i lay over you and disolve your every doubt
In that moment you know where you belong
When the world would vanish and only we would appear
You walk over to me.. place your hand in my hair..
you try to ignore the tears in my eyes
For surely it cannot be real
but they are..
and it drains you...
because you do not want to believe
what your heart tells you is true
Some things we cannot conceive
Some things are better left unsaid
You kneel before me.. and lay your head on my legs
You can feel i tremble to touch you
I can feel you trembling too
Fighting for your composure
Scrambling to rebuild your walls
Just let it fall love..
Let it fall
I am not here to abandon you
I am here..
Declaring my defeat
Waiting for you to lie with me
Defeated and in love
The only war..
Only one person can fight
but two people can conquer.

Ashes.

I feel him behind me
Holding onto me as I live
Standing behind me as I try to hide
Lying beside me as I cry myself to sleep
He knows I am hurting..
when I have no tears in the daylight
He see's me bleeding in the night
Waiting for the answers
Trembling inside
Hold me sweet angel
So have you come for me this time?
Come to take me away?
Is it my time to walk with you
To see you
Is it time to release this breath
To hold onto your mighty wings as you pull me away
Never looking back
Releasing all the darkness
Freeing me from my mistakes
Is it time to Live with your guidance?
Thrive within the passion you have for me
This lonely mortal
My how times have changed
How I once flew with you
How we laughed in the rain
Danced in the wind
I fell away from you
I chose this angry form
This form of mortal passions
So now i am caught here between heaven and hell
Knowing not how to return to the place i once fell
I just wanted to live
Just this once
Just for this time
I wanted to hold him
feel him
breath him
I could no longer watch..
I had to be there.. where he could see me
Where he could Love me
Nothing else mattered
No risk was too eminent
No sacrifice gone modest or humble
I would be his.. and he in turn would live for me
The nights we watched the stars
Feeling blessed to have this one chance
turned to watching the skies alone
feeling cursed for having it taken away
Im tired sweet one
Im so tired
This is no longer my home
These are no longer my eyes
They are distant..
this heart is so frail
I cannot exist here like this
This is not what i came to hold
No heart could beat stronger
Id run through demons to find its source
No touch could ever bring that last touch back
My ears could touch a thousand words
and not one could replace his whisper
My eyes could touch a thousand faces
still.. not one could replace his fire
Smoldering inside this soul
Nothing left to rekindle
only ashes..
Ashes

Only Fly!

Her own tears..muffled by his silence
She thought for sure by now he'd have spoken
Said the words
Said something... anything
"Sometimes I feel like you do not want me around"
"Like your just waiting for a reason to go"
"I'm sorry"
She adores him..
She has spoken when only god seems to listen
When he is right there in her arms.. breathing.. waiting
She wakes to hold on to what is left
before the day she wakes to it no longer being there
I am not ready to be here..
I am not ready to hear what you have to say..
If it is no words you are speaking.. then surely your eyes have become loud in my presence
Your words are hidden by what my mind cannot fathom
My heart is stolen by the unknown..
running into myself everywhere i turn
Have i taken the time to face what I am inside?
Do the mirrors draw a fear that i cannot commit away from?
Told to face the unknown.. preparing for truth
Disinfecting what has been perceived only in ones mind
Mumbling in my sleep from that in which haunts me
You listen closely
Trying to find a clue
When I kneel before you confessing by day
You try to read between my lines..
but they are well defined
There is nothing to find
This is what I am
Before you is where I desire to fall
You reach out to touch my face
Hoping to feel anything other than nothing
What is it you have left to feel?
Is there anything that remains within you to give?
You fear my freedom.. my spirit that flies with fiery eyes
You fear you have been captured..
But there is no one here guarding you
You are free to go.. you need only stand and push away the door
from the lock that was never there
You can fly with me... if you want to
We can capture tiny moments in a jar
SHake them to watch them glow again
You can go your own way.. I will be going mine
I am sure our paths will cross more than you know
BUt surely there is no path to follow
Would you rather wander in the wilderness alone..
Unknown as to if you will ever find life again
The mere chance of finding a reason to smile
Yet you smile with me.. as your heart contemplates which way you will turn
With me.. you laugh.. as your soul hesitates being consumed
Without me you wonder if That was your chance
Without me you have not jumped.. but fallen
Which way do you wish to go?
Id surrender to be your guiding light
Will you shine for me in turn?
If we are meant to reach that same destination
Let us not fear where it is that has been chosen for us
Let us not fear...Together
Only fly

Dedicated to he.. whom holds my heart delicately in his hand.

Maybe.

Maybe the worst is you are doing fine
Maybe the truth is.. you are not looking back
That your best is yet to come
That I am no longer in your dreams
You had imagined me saying goodbye in yesterday
You have let this wind take you away
Maybe this was not a mistake afterall
Maybe you will be alright

Maybe the worst is you feel no pain
Maybe the truth is.. it doesnt matter anyway
That i can never be your best friend
That you could simply walk away
You have picked up all your things
You have taken back your keys
Maybe your taken back for a moment
Maybe there is nothing left to take

Maybe the worst is we are moving on
Maybe the truth is.. we are already gone
That you do not want forever
That i will not settle for right now
We are stuck here cleaning the mess I have made
We are battling truth in every way
Maybe you are just being kind
Maybe I am still being blind

Maybe the worst is i am breaking for you
Maybe the truth is.. I do not deserve to
That I can never take away your pain
That the best of us is gone
I am trying so hard to let this be
I am taking so much.. in fighting me
Maybe it was over before it began
Maybe we will never understand

A messenger in the wind...

So i come home from work today and i get a random message...

A simple dot from the_messenger_12003

Those who know me.. know i believe god uses the number 23 in many combos to Grab my attention.. to say hey.. look at what is happening right now in your life..

So immediately i checked this profile
http://profiles.yahoo.com/the_messenger_12003?intl=us&os=win&ver=8.0.0.716

Occupation- Messenger of God

So i immediately try to reply to no answer... then 20 mins later A reply in the silence...

(this shit only happens to me)

Thee_Goddess: please tell me who you are
matthew mark: it is not important who I am, what is important is that you know who you are
Thee_Goddess: then how did you find me
Thee_Goddess: and why? 123
Thee_Goddess: god knows those numbers get my attention
matthew mark: I am not God
Thee_Goddess: i am not saying that
matthew mark: I am a messenger of God
Thee_Goddess: so give me my message
Thee_Goddess: i am ready
matthew mark: you know the message
Thee_Goddess: i should know the message
Thee_Goddess: i have been doing his work for some time now
matthew mark: Jesus knows when you are down and weary
matthew mark: He holds you so dearly in His heart
Thee_Goddess: i know he does
Thee_Goddess: and he is in mine
matthew mark: I have come today to let you know that He loves you more than life itself
matthew mark: He wants to hear from you
Thee_Goddess: what more can i say to him
matthew mark: what do you want to say to him, open your heart
Thee_Goddess: i say everything i want to say to him
Thee_Goddess: my heart is open to him and the world
Thee_Goddess: i am in your line of work messenger
matthew mark: thats great news
Thee_Goddess: surprised you did not know but i take a different approach
matthew mark: I am not hear for long, I have many to tend to
Thee_Goddess: what if i said i need you
Thee_Goddess: then you would leave?
matthew mark: remember this day for the Lord needs you
matthew mark: I am always here but it is the Lord you must speak to
matthew mark: He promises to never leave nor forsake you
Thee_Goddess: he is the only one
Thee_Goddess: i know this
Thee_Goddess: that will never leave nor forsake me
matthew mark: yes
matthew mark: he is constant in His love for you
Thee_Goddess: again.. the only one
Thee_Goddess: i am certain
Thee_Goddess: yet i wonder why you have been sent
Thee_Goddess: I am strong in my faith walk
matthew mark: have you read his word today, He is trying to speak to you
Thee_Goddess: The only word i have read by him is in your profile
matthew mark: He will only be silent if you silence Him
matthew mark: you have not His words ?
matthew mark: BIBLE
Thee_Goddess: i have 2 of them right in front of me
matthew mark: I thought so
matthew mark: you are a beautiful child of His
Thee_Goddess: thank you
matthew mark: take care my child
matthew mark: my heart and His love be with you always
Thee_Goddess: indeed...
Thee_Goddess: good luck with the others
Thee_Goddess: its rough out there

Whispers.

Running for shelter from this storm
Don’t you want to dance with me?
You have searched.. You have called
You have knocked on this door time and time again
Endless nights with no reply
And you stand here Still remembering that silence
When so many words are flowing into the wind
So much is being seen
Finally given that open door..
The one that has been locked for centuries
What lies inside is unexplainable
Too broken for words…
Too powerful for understanding
But she stands..
Blood stained sword
Bruised by time
Scarred by her battles
But here her eyes are so full of life
Her fire not stolen by her failures but fueled by her destiny
Her passion to Endure
The one that has fought through Ages to come to this place
For this one moment preserved in the books of destiny
Holding your hand, but not to lead you astray
Not to lead you to any other place than where your heart remains
No intentions
Only aspirations of the unknown
To sit by the fire you have prepared and dream..
To see the burning embers of the past
Building upon your strengths
Understanding your weaknesses
A goddess brought to her knees
You have heard her whispers
Now she is listening for your reply

Covering Scars.

Writing these letters to cover my scars
Sending them out to you but you cant read the words
I surrender to your silence
Render myself broken.. until your return
Pushed down time and time again
I try to rest my head on your chest and you stop breathing
So cold here
So alone no matter where i go
Feel me here now.. i may be gone soon
Take my heart.. before there is nothing to hold
Take me away.. before i no longer know myself..
Before i no longer recognize your face
One person cannot make this happen outside of You
I can feel myself fading
I can see where i will no longer stand
Your heart grown weary
Your eyes no longer look into mine.. they no longer search within me

So True!

My horoscope this weekend

SO TRUE!!

Your Weekend: Here�s a piece of soap. Notice please, how wet and slippery it is. Now, would you be kind enough to hold it tightly for a few moments. Don�t let it go. Squeeze harder. Whoops! What have you done? It has gone flying. Let�s track it down and try again. Or then again, let's not. Something silly is now happening. You are trying too hard to gain control over a situation with a life of its own. Save yourself the stress this weekend. It will sort itself out if you relax, trust and just take gentle, positive action.

Walk not Run!

Im so tired of running
I just want to love without reserve
This life is faltering
These words are bleeding from my heart
Nothing is going to stop this from coming
Every moment lasting just a second longer without you
Turn away from what you will
I cant stand in your way
There is a truth that i see
Pouring out from the shadows of where hearts fall
Breathing is not supposed to be an effort
I take you there with me tonight
I feel you in my passion
I sense you in my words
I write in your honor and make love to your mind
I am submissive to your demands
Take me as you will
Dont let me stand
You know not what you risk
I am ready to run
Far from where you cry
Every day is and up and down battle
Fighting for what i have known
Waiting to see what I do not
Holding on to a memory left by each nightly dream
Feeling so alive when i am left smiling in the dark
Through the tears of defeat i try to
Lift something so much stronger than what i am
Im not hear to fight
You have done your best to break me down
There is not room for breathing here
Only suffocation in the air so heavy from what has passed
Im ready to walk away
I have seized the last bit of strength for this journey
Who will take my hand as I learn to walk this time?
How can I try when only you will stand behind ?
How can I learn if all i know is You?
I have a fear of becoming
What i will, when you are gone

Not mine.

I have faced my demons..
Found my strength to make it alright
I have lived up to my end of giving in
Your lips have become so cold
Even if i still feel warmth in your touch
It does not belong to me anymore
I can see it in your eyes
You will say goodbye in the morning
And nothing is alright
We are only borrowing time
To hold one another once again
To find a place of comfort to hide
While we are both so torn on the inside
So life is out there still waiting for our return
We are holding onto the past.. hesitant to let go
Too weak to hold on
Too broken to repair the wrong
Im not ashamed to cry
Yeah it hurts baby
You know it
I know it
I cant give back the unspoken promises
I cant take away the unexpected pain
I cannot be a better person then
Like the one i want to be now
I have rethought my strategies
and im taking them packing with me
I loved you too late
I have to stop wondering where we would be
I have to lay to rest my thoughts of holding you
Your not the man I should have given my heart to
I changed you into a memory of what could have been
I changed your arms into a place i used to be
I changed your heart into disaster..
One woman cannot clean up the mess i have made
Well, maybe someone more worth while
But your fighting me like the enemy
Your defenses are too strong for me
I have to stop wondering where you will go
You have made it clear.. i do not want to know
Why am i still begging to lie with you?
Why am i lying to my heart right now?
Maybe i just think you will feel better thinking i am gone
Maybe I believe you will heal.. if i just leave you alone
I dont want to walk away
So i fight you every step of the way
The tears are falling as You push me to the door
There is nothing left of me that you want anymore
I have been on your side before
I have walked 10000 miles in your shoes
But he was never who I have become
He walked away with a smile
Happy to be in his new place
Pleased to be rid of me
Never looked back at what he had lost
Never risked himself to bring me back together
So i say I cant make sense of it
I say I do not want to go
I beg you please and you tell me No
Remember.. You said I do no want to know!
I am lost now, but you know where to find me
If ever you find yourself
and decide your not what you want to be
without me!

Missing the Storm.

If I cannot speak to you,
let the thunder be my sweet words
If i can not touch you,
Let the rain stinging your skin be my touch
If I can not hold you,
Let this warm wind embrace you as I would
If you can not see me
See my soul in every strike of lightning
If you cannot understand me,
Look past these dark clouds to the
Sun trying so badly to shine

Breaking.

If you cannot love me then try to break me
If you no longer care then push me down
I have no choice but to love you through the anger
I have no choice but to feel you
We have shared so much
There is so much more ahead
I have wondered so many things
But it all comes back to me loving you
I cant try to walk away
Id leave my heart behind
I cant close my eyes..
Because even there I see you
I wonder why I want to stay
I wonder why you want me to
I wonder where this will go if we both stop trying
I wonder where it could have been already
You wonder if I care, through my tears you do not see
You wonder if I am true. through my words you Will not hear
You are balancing unwaverly on a crossroad..
What do we have to lose?
What is left to break beside our hearts?
Before you go,
I think you ought to know
I cry for you each night
Before i fall asleep with your shirt wrapped in my arms
I think you ought to know
This is not make believe
If i could walk away I would
But i cannot run from you
There is too much left here of me
Inside of you
I have given you nothing that you cannot replace..
But i gave it to you to keep
To know who I am
To know what I feel
And each day I reach into your soul and find more of you
Each day I look onward to the next..
Only hoping That will be the day you finally love me
So take this time...
Find what it is you want.. What you have
Show yourself your heart and listen to it
If i let you go.. will the pieces of your heart come back together?
Am i hurting you by holding on
I dont want to hurt you more than I have
I feel i am failing
That instead of removing the knife from your heart
giving you time to heal
That i am merely twisting it around
I am afraid you will heal me away
Cut your losses and cut our ties
How can I say goodbye.. each time not knowing if it will be the last
How can I walk away knowing you may never come after me
How can I put these things away.. that hold your memory.. Your scent.. Your words
How can i turn this song off.. The one you shared
How can I not hear the message in the words
I need to rest my mind
I need to get through this
I am falling apart from the inside out
Falling all over myself
Feeling too much
Every second outside of you is a desperate reminder of the wrong i have done
How can I let go and just let what will be.. become?
Would you not fight tooth and nail on the way to your executioner?
Would you not beg for your life until your last breath?

Remember.

Breath in..
What have I done
What mess have I created
You call me a stranger when once you called me a lover
There is anger.. Too much to define
Caught beneath your eyes..
Born beneath the steps of time
I fear your resentment
I fear the way you look away
Release myself when i find myself in your arms
I can neglect the thoughts of every moment before and after
To only Love.. being there.. in that instant where you see me
To Hold you in the dark where you allow my touch to make your heart shutter
Barely breathing.. I hear your words in my ear
Close my eyes.. watch you fall away into this love
My path was written, but who am I to follow rules
My heart was set.. and mislead in one night
Have I shown myself the door to misery
Shall I turn to the hands of time and remind myself of who i have been..
...Until Now
You come to me in my dreams..
Dreams I cannot control
You have such power over me
I am battling a war within my own soul
Here.. Now.. Tomorrow.. and into the end
God save my soul
I am sure to stumble this life
I am sure to fall and bleed
I am unraveling at the deepest seem and laying myself before you
Do you even want to know what is within?
It goes beyond this
It is so much more than I can envision
I dont want to move on before i discover the truth
Why?
I should take this time to explore my heart
To know what makes it shutter... to understand this ache
To know what exists and what is merely My dream
To know.. have I been wrong all along
I want to see where this came from and take it all away
I want to scream at that little girl out in the rain
I want her to know I love her.. but she cant go on this way
I want her to stop being so afraid to feel.. to hurt..
I want to tell her.. they love her.. even if they cant show it.
To take her into my arms until she stops crying
I want to give her that warmth she did not know existed
That she had only dreamt about
I want to show her the ways her daddy loved her.. even if he dissappeared
I want to show her the things mommy hid to make their lives easier
I want her to know even parents make mistakes.. just as she will..
Mistakes that can change your whole life
Mistakes that can create an emptiness that nothing can fill
I want her to know there is not just One person out there that would die for her.. to know there are many.. but she refuses to see them
God watch over this child..
I cannot go back and show her these things
But I can go back and see the truth now
I can see.. but have i learned to find understanding
Is it too late to change what i have become?
Is it too late to show her love is not a stranger
But expressed in ways she may not understand
That she needs to stop looking for the obvious and begin to Feel the unseen
Can she do this?
Can we start from there?
Can we go over this life and look for the things we missed somewhere along the way
Should the past just be left in the passing horizon?
Left each day trying to make up for the last
Is there hope in places that we can no longer see..
Only remember

I cant Unlove you- Lyrics

Postcards and letters
And pictures made to last forever
To be boxed up and tossed away
Knickknacks and souvenirs
In an afternoon, they're out of here
They'll disappear without a trace
But what they mean to me
Can never be replaced

I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you

Interstates and old songs
Like time they go on and on
I guess I could learn to do the same
I could wake up without you
These two arms not around you
Tell myself it's meant to be this way
No matter how I try some things I can't change

I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you

He played this song for me today..
"This song reminds me of you"
and i cried... I love him.

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover Lyrics

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover Lyrics

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Fear.

Im standing here on the edge..
I cant make sense of this
As fast as I say the words.. I fear I should not
I have been wondering lately if im a fool
If i should turn the other way
If my love is only breaking his heart
Usually I am relentless
But i have fallen and im afraid
Im not ready to feel this pain
I am sustaining this sanity
Trying to believe he is thinking of me right now
Trying to pretend he will call me soon and tell me how much he misses me
But i know the truth
It is dwelling in my heart and i do not want to see
I cannot bare to tell it he isnt coming back
That It is no longer allowed to love this man
I dont want to know
I want to run and hide.. so he cannot say goodbye
I dont know what to say..
I dont know what to do..
Except lie to my heart
I thought my happy ending was coming
I thought.. this could be it
I thought.. He must really love me to give me his forgiveness
Now this
Sitting here alone.. afraid to wonder where he is
and why it is not me he wants to be with
My own Sin has become my biggest fear
To feel the pain I gave to another
Turned around and handed to me with a big Bow
Maybe it Was too much to stay
Maybe I was too little to cherish
Maybe my apologies will never be enough
Its complicated waiting for him to love me
But it is the bed i have created
I am forced to watch him slip away as I reach so helplessly
to grasp his heart
to make everything go away
Because I cannot look away from what can be
Please god take away this ache
I dont want to be so unimportant
I dont want to be abandoned again
How could I make it through again?

Im ok.

It is ok
Everything has fallen into its place
I see this world in front of me
And although it isnt what I expected
I know there are things beyond me
That i do not see coming
But they are
They are manifesting as we sit here now
Our future is created in our past
We are making these paths as we go
Walking upon a cherished destiny
I heard the voices tonight
Wise.. beautiful.. forgiving..
Accepting of my failures
Hopeful for my destination
I am loved
I know this
Now
And who am I to deserve such unconditional love?
WHo am I to deserve these few lives that think of me so highly?
Loving the one that pushes them away
I am finally seeing what my reflection wants to show me
Looking into my own eyes..
Seeing the truth through the eyes of my soul
So I can walk away at any time and leave what is behind me.. just that
Behind me
I am going to be alright
I am going to find my place in this world
I am going to make a place in my heart
I am going to reserve a seat at my own funeral
Im going to sit right in the front and smile
Knowing that I found my 13
Knowing that this girl... carried the weight of a thousand lives
Just trying to make One right
Finding my place of belonging
Wide spread into the arms I dont belong to anymore
Letting go of the dreams I have clung to
Making them a reality worth living
I will bleed.. only if I must
But there is nothing that will leave my cuts bound
I will heal time and time again
I will tire.. only when I have become too numb
But nothing will deprive me of what I want to feel
I am not hiding.. You only need to look into my eyes
So you do not understand me..
So You no longer know me..
What is the sense of understanding what you feel?
You cannot know what changes from day to day
You cannot live without the will to change
I am not at fault for searching beyond these days
I am not guilty for being ignorant
Only for knowing too much
Knowing what is.. what isnt
What can be.. what can Never be
Knowing I can slip away.. but i will fight to stay
I know I can jump and never lose my way
Im blind to everything around me
and yet so aware
I run through it all like a child through an open field
I want to feel the wind through my hair
Open my hands as the leaves brush against them
Throw my head back and spin until I can no longer stand
this life
This one life
So precious.. So real
So alive inside
Why do I any longer hide?
If I am too much..
Then You have got to make room
If my words come out in riddle
Then You need to take the time to collect your own thoughts
Ive got nothing to lose that does not belong to me
Those who only want..
Know where they belong
Have you found your place yet?
Thankful I smile in their words
Take me for granted and I will grant in you nothing
If I am merely a pacifier..
There is no need for you here
Love me or leave me..

Can we?

Baby dont let them take me away
Im trying to hold on
Im trying to find where I belong
They say its too late
Its time to go
But i want to stay..
Just a while longer
Hold me tight
Dont let them take me
I just got here
I just fell into your arms
I just started to get comfortable
Free spirit.. no need to fly from here
Let me walk with you
I can teach you how to be free
Spend the little moments forgetting the world
Carrying on in ways only we believe
Protect me from this world
The hurtful things they say
Tell me im doing ok
Tell me everything is going to be alright
Hold me...
*breath*
Dont let me out of your sight
Say you want to see me forever
And when i run ahead and look back
Say you will always be there
Right behind me
When i think ive lost it all.. remind me I have not lost you
Hold the sunshine over my head
Carry the moonlight by my side
Watch the rain fall With me
Stay out here with me.. it wont hurt
Stand here by this stream..
Let me jump in..
Splash you with my love for everything you are
Im taking you to my place
The place i seen myself alone
And now you are here with me
I trust you to be Alone.. With me
Shhh.. dont tell them where we are
Remember that list of things to do?
What could be more important than just being me and you?
So you want to start living..
Whats stopping you from throwing your hands up in the air
Taking me into your arms and dancing to no music as you sing in my ear?
Im ready when you are..
Want me to go hide.. so you can find me all over again?
We have chewed on the bitter and sampled the sweet
I dont want to wait to begin
Could this be?
If you were the moon, I would be the sky surrounding you.. Illuminated by its presence
If you were the rain, I would be the desert sands thirsting for your falling
If you were the sun, I would be the earth, Bathing in your glory, striving from your existance.. to fall apart if you were to disappear
You bring that balance into my life..
You take the meaning of my life and make it that much more beautiful
With you.. there is balance
A calm sense of Being thankful that we are not meant to be alone
Lets run baby..
leave this world behind.. Make our own..
Live our dreams..
Fight our fears..
Together..
Can we?

Pull me through!

I started this fucking mess in my head
I turned around and realized what i had done
would haunt me like death haunts the mortals
Walkin in the daylight i look up to the horizon and smile
that this is for me
That this life this love has come into my day
I smile when i think of how it could have been
I find myself smiling at strangers as they pass by.. because he is on my mind
I find myself laughing with security that i may be silly but he loves me for who i am
That there is no motive
No underlying desire to possess me for a short while
To obtain me.. only to release me when the butterflies have flown away
He speaks in actions.. with his eyes.. his touch
there are no lines to read between
No mistakes in his kiss
No worries between his fingers as they are entwined in mine..
I cannot want anymore
I wont linger outside of these lines
I am here for good.. for the bad
When will this shame leave my heart
I have followed it when the time was wrong
Pulled in what i felt and left behind what i wanted
Does anyone know how to love themselves?
Is it a myth?
An unnattainable goal... we all strive to achieve
But cannot begin to perceive
But shouldnt we be able to find ourselves
before we can fall in love with who we are?
You know me..
You love who i am
Only you can see who i am..
You love me even though you know i can be weak
Not for my strengths but for everything i am to you
You accept me.. because you do not Have to
You need me, because I will be the light in your darkened world..
No matter what
And you know that
You can Depend on that
The one thing you can depend on that can break at any moment
Yet so easily rebuilt and given hope
Simple words.. Simple moments
You have given me a smile from my tears
You have reminded me of WHY
You stopped me from my downward spiral and threw me a rope to hold onto
WIped away my tears with your love
For the day I will breath easily knowing you are still here with me
For my life I will have to find you in my memories if you no longer hear me


Dedicated to Stephanie

For reminding me of who I am.. when I can no longer remember!

Tucked away for another day...

I am resting.
Feeling the warmth surround me
Brought in from the cold
Embraced by the light of his eyes
I can't let go of this glance
I dont want to move..
Just lay here forever
Do you feel that?
*sigh*
I can
I don't have a prayer in this matter
They have all been answered
Not heaven.. but Reality
It is not our time for that
Who would have known?
I dont want to be taken away..
I want to live one day short of your life
I want to dance with you in front of our grandchildren
I want to sing to you at our 50th wedding anniversary
I want to hold your hand in the hospital as our future changes
I want to sit with you night after night, going through the picture book of our memories..
I want to laugh with you after our hair goes silver
I want to kiss you while you are asleep.. every night that passes by for the rest of our lives
I want to see you smile when you are proud of something you have done
I want to hear your voice when you need to talk
I want to comfort you and wipe away your tears, when times arent so good
I want to stand beside you.. work beside you.. To make ourselves a home
I know things wont always be easy
They have never been easy to now and I dont expect that to change
But with you, I can smile through them
With you, I can see they will pass.. but you will always be there
I want to give you the eyes of your own blood.. but only if your ever ready
I want to walk beside you.. to the altar.. and under God.. Vow my faithfulness and dedication to your life and mine
I want my Father to give me to you.
I want to Slowdance with You, My husband.. and rest my head on your shoulder with tears in my eyes, Knowing you are mine forever..
I want to Have that One night where forever truly begins
I want to laugh at our families getting drunk and crazy.. Together!
God that is going to be so funny
I want my little sister to be my Maid of Honor..
Our Nu Nu to be the ring bearer
Our Informer and chatterbox to throw flowers down the aisle
You wont read this for months.. maybe years to come.. but i dont see the end.. this is what i want to see..
I want bill to put on a tux and tell you he loves you and this isnt Kate..hehe
I want my brother Rick to see his sister truly happy.. finally! And I know he will see it in my eyes.. he knows me better than anyone
I want to say I love you, and know you really Know I do love you.
I want to be the only woman your eyes search for until the end
I want to walk into the room and take your breath away
I want you to be the happiest man alive.. for the rest of your life
I want you to sing to me on our wedding night.. I know just seeing you go up there will make me start to cry
Hell i cant really think of a time I wont be crying that night
I want to see my mom dancing with my dad
I want Shari to get drunk and crazy and scare the hell out of everyone as we Laugh.. because we knew it would happen and we all placed bets
I want to follow you when you are strong.. and lead you when you are weak
I want to breathe you in forever
I want to miss you when we are apart.. and know you are missing me too
I want to smile each time you walk in the door, like I havent seen you in years
I want to make love to you as your bride... The one woman that will never leave your side
I want to capture every moment we can.. because this life is all we have
and I plan to live it that way

I cant.

Take the pain and force it down..
Take the doubt and run away
Do it all again..
Over and over until you bleed
Dont pretend you care
When its convenient
Dont walk away from me
while i stand here crying
There was nothing left for me here
You painted a picture for me
Now I cant look away
You created a warmth that felt so good
Now I dont want to be cold
On and On I do it all again
I stumble and falter all over again
You dont Fade away
But you dont shine anymore
Watch me look at you with confusion
I dont deserve to know what you are
I dont want to cry
I am running out of time
I sat back and looked at my life today
I seen the loose ends..I want to tie them in knots
I want to be free of my needs
Free of my addictions
I dont want to Need
I dont want to crave what you are
I cant let this take me away
But the voice in my head tells me to run
before it kills me
When will i just listen
For once will i fucking do it right
Will i do it all over again
What has caused me to be so leary
This life is not for me
This dream is only meant for sleep
If you need someone to comfort you
I can no longer be there
I cant be by your side
Where do you expect me to smile as you cry
But its ok, I should make it through
Its gonna hurt whether its me or you
Wake me.. you cant your far away
Stop me.. you cant.. theres nothing left to say
Nothing in common except for pain
Just a fire faded away
Wasting another day
your not close enough to see into my eyes
To remind you of what will never be
but your close enough to keep hurting me
I sang into your ear as you slept
only to tell you im here for you if your sleep breaks
To comfort you.. because i know your life is not easy
You have so much on your mind
But you have no time to see what you are doing

Hate Me Lyrics- Blue October

Hate Me

[message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape
to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you.
will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me
just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today...
Hate me tomorrow...
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

For you
For you
For you

Before you say Goodbye.

Nothing left to say.. brought to a whisper in your ear
Resting my head on your shoulder
Fighting the world around us..
trying to reach you before you are too far gone
Watching you stare off into the distance..
Waiting for you to see into my eyes
Waiting for you to react
Touching your skin as you avoid me
Breathing you in.. closing my eyes.. imagining you feel me there
Stop.. the room pauses
No one sees me
No one knows I am there
An Apparition of my past only wanders into the room
I touch your face.. stand before you
You look so distraught
You cant see me but you know I am there
My memory brings you pain
My presence brings you uneasiness
I kneel before your motionless body and gaze into your eyes
I remember how those blue eyes once looked into mine with gentle passion
I see the lips that used to warm mine.. I run my finger over them..
Tracing where my lips once belonged
I have crossed boundaries to show you what I want
Confessed to those closest to me..
Despite what shame I deserve.. they hold me
They know the regret.. they have lived the mistakes themselves
I was not born vindictive
I was not born without a heart
I did not come into this world wishing to hurt people with my actions
I stand on the table and scream.. I made the biggest mistake of my life
I have put the truth into your head
I have given you everything I can
But my touch no longer warms you.. it burns you inside
My words no longer comfort you.. they anger and annoy you
My eyes no longer pull you in.. but push you to look away
I have become a haunting
An unwanted memory
A name that only brings confusion
A ghost of what could have been
So I sing you to sleep.. with my wicked lullaby
Reminding you that someone who has come to love you has betrayed you
Reminding you that this life is unkind
I have become what you do not want to know
I have chased you down and lead you away
I hear my own voice.. I have never had to listen to myself so much
I am bitter to the sound of my pleas
Ive created a crime scene
Roped off for investigation..
No one is allowed in
No one is getting out
If i could change one thing.. it would be Everything
If I could say One word.. it would be Nothing
So My soul awaits your return..
still resting at your feet invisible to your eyes
Damaging to your mind
Awaiting your recognition
Pausing this life.. as I walk through my memories of you
Taking a moment to see what I am losing
A good hard look before you say Goodbye

Someone.

Someone is out there right now
Sitting.. waiting for something
For someone
How could the world have forgotten you?
What makes you so un-important?
Someone is waiting for an answer right now
Hoping she will be the thing he needs
That her helpless calls will not go unanswered
Only she knows this silence
Only her heart will falter if he walks away from her desperate requests
Alone she will self sooth
Alone she will do everything in her power to make her heart stop hurting
It doesnt seem too bright
She has crossed this line before..
She has reached out time and time again
to be left just that.. reaching
Reaching out so far until she looses control and falls on her face
Spits the blood from her lip..
Breathes into the dirt..
Clenches her fists full of the ground she is hugging
Then she lays her head to recollect herself for a while...
Allowing her body to go limp..
On the brink of wishing she didnt have to stand
She is bruised all over from carelessly chasing him..
Running into whatever gets in between her and where she wants to be
The pain is only temporary
She is aware that once she lets go.. she will surely heal
No promises of forever this time
No one to get in her way but herself
Roll over and look at the sky
Look at it
Those stars shine for you
The moon shines to light your way..
But you need to open your eyes
The path is simple.. try to be more careful with where you step
Take your time.. Take your moment
Then pull yourself up and try again..
Just dont ever give up.

Tell me.

Tell me you love me...
What are you waiting for?
Tell me you are ready to hold me...
Is it so hard to push open that door?
(Let me help you we can do this together)
Show me where you are taking me
Ill pack our things and go
Show me who you want to be
Ill reserve a place in my heart
Someone Loves you
I know you dont think so
You never have to be alone
You never have to go
Tell me Im all you have wanted
Ill give you everything I am
Tell me your so tired of being Alone
Ill take you by your hand
Tell me You miss me
I'll show you what it is you were missing
Say you want to stay
Ill take you in my arms to pull you through this thing
I know I am difficult
I place my finger over your lips
I know I make you weak
You dont need to say a word
Allow your eyes to speak.

Untitled

I am content to let you stumble
I am content to let you shine
I am content you have your dreams
Although they are not mine

Do you see these eyes.. they belong to you
Just say the words
Do you feel this heart.. It stops for you
Everytime you walk away

Come to me my love
Let me hold you into the night
Allow me to drift you into this place between you and where you want to be
Fall asleep in my arms and forget the world
Only you are allowed to see

Only you can come here with me

Dont lose all your hopes in where we can go
I am right here.. trying tell help you
Don't forget who i want to be
I fell but i am not fallen

Don't look away so fast
Turn around and think about how we used to love each new day
Too little too late
Too much left to walk away

We used to laugh
We used to let our looks linger
We used to wake up in one anothers arms.. holding on till the last minute
We used to be bad for eachother.. when things were good
We used to be the one thing right when everything was going wrong

I wont let you fall away

Taken Away.

Your driving me insane.. pushing me away as i try to cling to what is left
Hardly a word spoken between us and i wait for more
Be patient.. im losing myself waiting for you to come back
Im forgetting the man i love
Your trying to remember why you love me
Jaded you no longer care
Jaded.. you casually listen to my pleas of my missing you
I only wait to hold you
.. to see you smile once again at me
I wait to breathe in your presence
..to feel your breathe on my skin
I am standing outside your door.. standing in the rain waiting for you to let me in
To wrap your arms around me..
tell me everything is goingto be alright
Wrap your arms around me and be silent
Im tired baby
Im tired of living outside of you
Im tired of holding you in my dreams
and waking only to have it all taken away!

I miss you!

Dont let me see you.

I cant cry out.. I want to scream and close my eyes
Wake up and see this isn’t really my life
If I could take so many little things and sew them up.. cut a piece off here and there
I want to take control of myself
I want to tell myself I no longer need.
I am fighting this insanity like a fire burning beneath me
I am tied up by what is truth..
I am bound by my heart
I am a child walking in the night once again..
Hiding beneath the trees..
Waiting for someone to come find me
Alone in the night.. trying to cry as quietly as I can
I want to be searched for but not found..
I cant even find myself anymore
Sometimes I don’t even know who I am
This soul has naked walls and bare floors..
Moved out on myself.. with a note.. be back .. someday
The lights are working but I prefer to reach around in the dark..
There is nothing left to stumble upon..
Just the echoes of my tears..
The shadows of my years left behind..
The pain never mended.. only tucked away in the corners.
Numbing myself over time..
Medicated and souless?
The pain may fill me by doing what is right..
To let go and walk away
To love but never speak
To remember but never create another memory
No one left to tell me everything will be alright
No one left to answer my calls in the night
It had to end because it was going the wrong way
I had to stop and turn around
Im going to find that stream now..
Im going to find my happiness.. alone
Set me free.. never knowing how to fly
But i do not need to fly to wear i am going
I need only learn which direction i need to go
Just sit here and watch me go
Follow if you will.. but please dont carry me
Watch from the distance.. but please don't let me see you

I have no place to ask him how he feels
I cant go on holding on to something that is no longer there
I have no right loving him.. asking him to come back
I am afraid i have helped him create a wall to keep me out.
To protect himself from being hurt
Will i have the strength to let him go?
What have i done?
Im not the only one in this world who has made such a mistake..
but i feel so alone
I dont know where to turn except away
To hide away from the world
To sit here with my guilt and shame
Tea time with the enemies
Im listening to my heart and it wants me to reach for him
while everyone else tells me to let him go
To face up to what i have done. To learn from my mistake and to move on
So im not supposed to think about him any more?
Who could possibly say that?
What kind of idiot out there thinks that is an option?
I never knew this day would come..
I never knew it would hurt like this
Could i promise myself to stop crying?
Could i convince myself to stop trying?
Hopefully i will wake up from this nightmare soon...
The leaves will fall as i walk alone..
The world will turn as i stand still
The years will pass by like grains of sand in this hourglass of mine
I just cant fight myself anymore
How long will i hold on?
I cant find this thing they call hope
The truth is not always beautiful
But i cant live a lie

I bleed red..

Im a mother.. a friend.. a lover..
Im an Ex, Im a dream,
Im a liar who knows shame..
Im a cheater who knows the meaning of poor judgement..
Im a sinner who wants to make it to heaven..
Im a muse.. A fallen Angel who forgot her way home..
I am strong in my moments of weakness..
I am weak in my moments of strength..
I cant see the future and i try to forget the past.
Ive been abandoned.. Ive been found..
I have been rejected and accepted.
I have wished for death.. I have wished for one more breath.
I have Loved so deeply that my heart has shattered in his absence..
I have loved so casually that i spent more time wondering why I can't fall again..
I have hurt myself.. I have healed myself..
I have made mistakes that i can never take away..
I have hurt people that I never wanted to hurt..
I am selfish and yet so giving..
I want to change the world.. I forget about changing myself.
I have very few close friends.. and yet I would do anything for a complete stranger..
I am a hypocrite..
I have done things that have turned me into my worst enemy..
I know shame.. I know pride.. I know regret.. they are roomates to my soul.
I know the love of a child.. the love of a man.. and the love of oneself..
I have dreams that i dont want to wake from..
I have nightmares that wake me crying..
I drool in my sleep when im really tired..yeah.. i know cool huh?
I have a broken heart.. but i will smile when the opportunity arises.
I have an addiction. (or a few) but could it be so wrong afterall?
I know what it feels like to want your life to end..
I know what it is like to wake up each morning to wrap yourself around
the man you love and be thankful you have him..
i know what it feels like to be abandoned by the one man you loved more than yourself..
I know what its like to hurt someone that you loved..
I have been a fool.. I have been afraid..
I have been broken and put myself back together..
I have fallen and taught myself how to stand again..
I have danced in the rain.. I have laughed through my tears..
I have cried after making love..
I know desire. I know lust.
I know what it feels like to want something you cannot have..
I know what it feels like to have had something you can No longer have..
I know what it feels like to die.. I know what it feels like to be brought back to life..
I have known Hate.. I have known deception.
I can understand the things that confuse others,
and yet I am confused about understanding myself.
I have been inconsiderate.
I have been a dissappointment..

I think differently, and sometimes i wish I couldnt think at all.
I have asked for forgiveness.
I have been shallow..hiding the depth of my soul.
I have carried tears within my eyes every time I see a baby born..
I have given birth and i know the worst pain in the world..
and how quickly you forget it when you hold your child for the first time.
I believe in love at first sight.
I dont believe in perfection.. I do believe in compromise..
I believe any relationship needs balance and effort..
I am strong alone.. but stronger with love in my life.
I am co-dependant and independant.
I will never give up who I am to make someone happy.
I will not abandon myself to save another.
I have fears I cannot leave behind.
I have been alone in a room full of people.
I have been so alive.. alone with my lover.
I have made promises I couldnt keep.
I know what it is like to make love to someone and never want them to be outside you again..
To make love to someone and feel your bodies become one.. your eyes meet and your souls dance..
I have held the hand of a stranger in need.
I have been helped by strangers.
I know what it feels like to think you cant go on..
I know what it feels like to kick yourself in the ass to go on.
I know what it is to be depended on 24 hours a day by 3 children.
I know what it feels like to feel like you are failing them.. letting them down.
I know what it is to give up comfort to take on the world just
to make a better life for your children.
I have felt that i am not enough.. i have felt that i am too much.
I am stubborn and yet indecisive.
I dont plan things very well.. but i always get where i am going.. eventually!
I have driven into nowhere.. with no destination.
I have driven with a destination and never found what i was looking for.
I bleed red.
I know what it is to be Human!

If weakness is a wound
that no one wants to speak of
then cool is just how far we have to fall
i am not immune-i only wanna be loved
but i feel safe behind the firewall
can i lose my need to impress?

if you want the truth,

i need to confess

i'm not alright- i'm broken inside,
broken inside
and all i go thru-it leads me to you,
it leads me to you

burn away the pride,
bring me to my Weakness
'til everything i hide behind is gone
and when i'm open wide
with nothing left to cling to
only you are there to lead me on

'cuz honestly,

i'm not that strong

i'm not alright- I'm broken inside,
broken inside
and all i go thru-it leads me to you,
it leads me to you
i'm not alright-i'm not alright
-i'm not alright

thats why i need you

-Sanctus real

Its ok.

Its national suicide awareness week... so i wrote something for those that dont know.. someone out there cares.. even if you dont know their name.

Im not alright and its ok.. this world was meant to be this way
Through the trials we find a small glimmer of peace..
In the eyes of our children.
In the touch of our Lover.
In the words of our Parents.
In the random call from our friend.
So the percentage of shadow has overcome the light
The light only shines that much more
Like the sun reaching through the clouds
Seemingly creating a pathway from the heavens to our earth
The struggle has become so beautiful.. to know in the end all will be fine
Laugh through the tears
Cry through the happiness
Stay confused in his words
But feel what is being said..
dont forget to feel every rain drop falling to your skin
Dont forget to close your eyes as he takes your hand and remember how you felt at that very moment.. another human life reached out to touch you.. to let you know he is thinking about you.. even when no words are spoken.. That in that instant.. You were loved.
Dont forget to stop your child in the middle of an ever on going speach they seem to always make and wrap your arms around them.. "Whisper I love you"
Take your moments.. they belong to you and they pass us by every second we breath
Choose your words wisely but always speak from your heart.. no matter what!
You may leave a line of bleeding hearts.. but arent we all bleeding as well.
You may set worlds on fire.. and thats ok.. because the ashes we create will blow away with the wind.. spreading themselves throughout the world... Your memory will be alive in the hearts of many..
Dont allow yourself to be forgotten.. dont become someone that You dont even know.
Take one more chance.. every time you can
Speak one last word.. if ever a soul wishes to hear you.
Know your past.. but learn your future..
Dont let your mistakes become your destiny
Dont let your heart become weak... its the only one you have
Dont allow your soul to become lost
Its ok to be lost.. its ok..
You cant run from yourself.. you only have to realize that what you wish to become is inside of you..
This world will hurt you.. it will break you down..
You will be shattered... and torn
But you can pull together all the pieces again and be free
Dont be afraid to love again.. remember You deserve to feel.
You deserve to Live.
You've been on this road for some time now..
You dont know where it goes but I promise it wont lead to nowhere
Follow the wind and you will find your way.

"Alot of people love you, You just think they are all wrong".

Lost.

I’ve lost myself somewhere in the middle of nowhere
I cant find my way out
I have opened doors and now there is too much in the way to close them
I have cleared paths and the brush around it has died.. to never cover up where I have been
I am too late.. never early never on time…
Too late to go back and change.. myself
Or am I?
To you is the distance I must overcome
To find my way back into your heart
To make my way back into your life
To show you everything you have wished to see
What I have held back
What I have ignored
I cant fight you forever..
Either we have to come together or move apart
I cant live with this shame, every time I look into your eyes.. I know!
I cant handle the unknown
Maybe one day you will come back to me
Maybe it is already over
Maybe it never began
Who am I to say.. The only way through this is to fight
The only way I know
To never give up when you love something
To take the pain as it comes..
To use every moment given as its your last
Can you see the end..
You see what you want to see.
I see nothing
I am merely waiting for time to heal you
My words are useless.. For once
My actions are assumingly pre-meditated
What good am I to existance?
If I am living to keep you.. what will happen if I lose you?
If I am struggling to convince you.. what will happen when you no longer hear me?
Tell me what it is you want me to do..
If there is nothing.. how can I comply
If I don’t want to let go, if I promise to not give up.. Will it be an empty promise?
Do You think I am pretending?
Do you think I Want to be without you?
Do you even understand me at all?
I am going to stand through this.
I cant break again
So I am closing down the flood gates
I cant pour out into you any longer
Im afraid of you, but I have been here before
I want you to find me, but I no longer know if you want to lie with me

I want you to hold me.. but I no longer understand what I am to you
I know it was me.. I know I have created shadows in your mind
I know you feel betrayed..
But let me heal your wounds
Allow me to calm your senses
If you wish for me I am yours.. but tell me if you believe in me
If you doubt me, let me go.. there is no need for both of us to hurt any longer
The tears in my eyes could never be enough
Its all too much to hear your voice
To see that pain in your eyes caused by me..
My weakness for love has become my weakness in life
You are all that I want in my life…
I need time to make this right
Out of nowhere is where I found my love for you
Out of nowhere, I seen what you meant to me
I dont want to be without you
I am lost here.
Waiting...

Begin Again

Laying under the blankets hiding from your eyes..
Leaving the words that needn't be spoken on the outside
Trying to ignore the pain already on the inside
I feel it in the air
As you walk away.. the tears are set free.. while im bound by my breaking heart
I have seen the love that you are..
I have felt what i wish to deny
Time and time again i throw the words to the side and run from you
I dont want to know
what you would think
I dont want to see
what you would do
If i say it..
Push it down, hide it away
Shy away from what will fulfill you
Numb to my own senses.. but not ignorant of what i can become
I can wrap myself within your existance and see nothing
I can stand outside and watch as you stand alone
But how long will you stand there waiting to get inside?
How long will you wonder what is going on inside my mind?
Im content to fall from grace
Willing to give up the good to receive the truth
Im tired of who I am..
I am ready to end.. to begin again
To speak the shameful truth
To release our souls from doubt
To stand before you
look into your eyes
hurt the man I have come to love
With or without you.. I cannot be what i had become
I was foolish with freedom
Consumed with hiding in a fantasy
Even now this glass tower must fall
Starting again
Walking out into the sea of faces
alone
waiting for a sign.. again
You walked to me on that swing when i asked for a sign
You took my hand and held it as i thought
What have i done
Unfaithful.. why have i become my worst enemy?

So this is the first time.. for the last time
I know what i see in your eyes and i cant ignore it any longer
Ready to walk away.. when i really just want to stay
Stare at the sky with you for a while..
Time was all i asked for.. and i took too much
Now its too late to give back the time i need
Its too late to walk away from myself
Too many thoughts
Too many dreams..
Too much heartache if you were to walk away
Ask me to stay and i will..
Test me to fight and i will die trying
Show me where you want to go and i will follow
So i was broken.. maybe i still am.. but i am finding all the pieces again
Could you stay awhile
Maybe show me where it is I meant to go
Take me in your arms again..
Let daylight come.. again and again
Im afraid to show you where I have been
Im afraid to let you hold onto something so unstable
buT IM TRYING... IM LIVING.. iM DANCING.. iM WONDERING
iM WATCHING you go through your motions as my heart breaks
Im watching you walk away everytime we speak
Im searching for you.. the man i once loved and i fear he may not be coming back
Sometimes in life you have to cut your losses because it tears you down too much to stay
Im lying awake tonight.. every night.. hoping you find your way back to me
That one day you will just show up and everything will be behind us..
But its not.. i can no longer sit hear and listen to you hate me
I can no longer take only my shame but the way you break me down at will
Im already breaking.. why are you trying to shatter what is left?
Im already bleeding.. why are you still stabbing me?
I need who you once were..
Are you even still there?
Im already trying.. when will you?
Surrounding yourself with distractions.. yeah i know it feels good
If you truly wanted to get through this, you would be here with me right now
You dont want to make this work.. you want me to be what i am not
You categorize who I am by mistakes I have made
A liar.. a cheater
Thats not who i am.. it is what i have done.. and I hate what I have done..
I do not hate who I am
Did you forget I told the truth as well?
I can only hold on so long
I can only take so much of your lashing out
before i try to protect myself from you...
You deserve to feel
You deserve to tell me how much it hurts
You tell me I dont listen
I dont see it your way...
I cant see anything but your way.. and although it doesnt feel good
I let you come out at me
I let you tell me everything i have done was wrong
I let you call me things that make it easier for you to deal with what i have done
I love you.. and I am trying to help you through this.. even if it hurts me more
I sit there crying and you tell me im not hurting
I sit there begging.. and you tell me I dont want you
I have rendered myself helpless

Here I am.

Long ago.. i listened to this song and found peace..
Lost in an array of love.. Unexplainable to the world
but i tried..
I wrote of this angel.. so pure.. so real..
Sleeping in my presence..
I was so careful not to disturb this precious vision
But in reality.. I am too Real
My pain was unwelcome
My vulnerability had become his demise
He thought that his coming to me would cure all that had gone wrong..
So did I
So throughout our time.. I was weak.. only strengthened by the source of our love for one another
Only poisoned by my craving for him
His noise brought me comfort
His sin brought me pleasure
His entrance showed me the way out
So i throw his Halo down
Go back to where you came from
With my hate I am stepping down from this cloud
Never to look back into the darkness that has become your soul
I dont know you.. I will never know you
Stop haunting my dreams
Stay away from my thoughts
You are a curse from my past
Thrown at my feet..
Trickery was your best friend
"Hold me.. Walk with me.. Im so alone"
Ive seen the evils of your dreams
Ive seen the disaster brought by your wish
Im so glad I have seen you so well
So I push you down off your throne
You dont belong here in my mind
A glorified memory of what could have been
I can put anyone in that seat love
They only have to find their way into my soul
You are nothing compared to what will be
A fraction of what i must have
The hate is slipping deeper into my heart
They said i would come to this place
They told me I would see the truth
and here i am
Bleeding with the Truth running down my mind
I will not be denied this passage
I will find my own way out

On your own!

I wish I could take a moment and write something good.. something that leaves you with a smile instead of a broken heart.. so I will let you know when that is possible.

I dreamt of him last night.. my ex fiance.. it was a sign.. it was a nightmare... but it is what we have become...
His touch was cold, and it only hurt me more to see him that way.. to write me a letter and never mention his love for me. Is that possible.. to love someone so much and never love them again.. like a switch? Have I been loving the wrong way all along?
Is waiting to fall... resisting love... Taking your time.. Not fail safe?
Nope.
So if your taking your time to fall in love with someone.. dont bother.. You cant control what they will become. They may say Your love makes them want to be a better person.. but if they are not willing to Work for anything in life.. Then they just wont ever become that better person.
My affection had become a pacifier to a mommas boy.. A pacifier to men who are lonely but dont want to change their lives for Love...
Wouldnt it be nice to wake up tomorrow and have someone say.. You are my everything.. and I will do everything in my power to make this work.. I am Never giving up on us...
And then Actually do it?
Words are so weak and yet that is all i have to reach who You are.. Yes you.
I used to believe if i Just kept writing... If i just kept Expressing.. The One would find me..
Somehow I still believe this...
You will stumble upon these words.. roll around in my emotions and find your comfort that you have searched for... and not just crave to stay a while.. until feeling becomes too much.. but stay forever.
I looked at my life the other day and realized..
The one thing I want in life is to be in a Truly sincere relationship..
To have the rest of my life to look forward to
To give up nothing and give everything
To No longer search for the eyes I will gaze into for Years
but to merely look over at them
and I realized.. I am incomplete
Living.. striving.. Hoping
I dont believe in luck.. I dont believe what I need will fall into my lap
That is why i havent shut down what is left of me..
Im not broken.. Im just a little shattered..
Still one person.. just in different places
Im not like all the rest..
Id give a fortune to find another who has been abandoned by this world
and Still exists to make it theirs once again
Never giving up.. that is what it all comes down to
Yeah it hurts
Breathing hurts
Loving the wrong ones.. Hurt
Could the wrong one become the right one some day?
Do we think one day We will be enough to change the world
or just that One person out there
Is one person enough
Is one person just part of the road we travel.. then they hand us off to walk for a while alone..
until we stumble upon our next path.. our next attempt at completion?
27 years.. Twenty-Seven years people.. is that not long enough?
Welcome to existance
Welcome to humanity
Welcome to failure.. to living for our own individual dreams
to placing your name in a Jar and wating for your name to be picked
Welcome to finding it in your heart to forgive your creator
Welcome to finding salvation on your own
Point being.. On your Own!

Found myself in your eyes.

To take this life and make it worth one more day
To walk outside the finest line
Light meets Dark, never meant to coincide
Where the sun falls and the moon rises
Always running from the other
Come to gaze at the creation brought from darkness
At the world created from dust and thought
From Dreams and Passion
Come not look away at the lips that breathe for you
Press yourself tightly to my soul
If this is where you long to be
If this is what You long to feel
Let nothing say otherwise
Let this life be yours and the hardship be worth every drop of sweat
Let every pain of dissappointment be lead away with my kiss upon your lips
Let every harsh word be erased by the reaching of my hand
Do you know how to not look back?
Do you want to learn together?
Are you ready to take my hand and jump with me?
Not knowing how far we are to fall..
Does it really matter at all
We will land in a world only for us..
A place where every moment belongs to our future
A place where no one will stand in our way
Baby I know times are changing
And everything will be so new
I cant give my life for a maybe
I cant Love for an instant
If you give me a reason to fight.. I will fight
If you give me the word.. I will jump
If you make a promise.. I will believe
I never wanted to hurt you..
I only wanted to give you something you never knew
I never wanted to confuse you...
I never meant to get so confused
Ive unravelled into your fate
I never meant to fall into your path.. but here I am
You lifted me and held me tightly so id forget where I came from
Now id do anything to stay
So you ask.. am i sure..
And I reply Are you?
We shall find ourselves a resting place
You want me to show you what it means to be the only one
You want to see what I see.. to feel what I have known
You are worth passing a walk in the rain
A thousand nights lost in the cold
Running to you blindly, trusting in your belief in me
What if i fall or what if i break...
Ive let you tear down these walls
Your like the rain i wait to fall
Your like the moon i wait to rise
You watched every piece of my soul fall away
And you caught each one and held it close..
Waiting for the moment to hand them all back to me
Tell me this is the point of no return?
Tell me you will never settle for less than to take my hand
I chose this place
You chose to walk with me here
Do you deserve more than what I am?
Tell me your not letting me go
Tell me there is no turning back now
Tell me we are in this for the right things
That we are making the right choice
That love is just a word
and we Are beyond those words
So we dont believe in soulmates
But our flames are so bright in eachother
We can live apart.. but say You refuse to.
I didnt say hello ever believing i could fall in love with you
I didnt ask to be given a reason to believe in you
You opened your eyes when they have been closed for so long
You answered a call that gave you a destiny you never knew
You asked if I were an angel
and if i were... would you love me the same
Knowing how i fall time and time again
Watching me suffer for reasons unknown
Could you believe its supposed to be that way
Just as blind as you can be..
Just as fragile as you once were..
Even i cannot see the justice in it all
There is one judge love..
One place we are meant to go..
Our path there is our choice
And the road we travel is paved by decisions we make..
One by one..
I refuse to believe im the only one feeling
a little lost in it all
I refuse to feel that im losing you in the end
i have found everything i need in who you are
and found everything i wanted to be in your eyes

My ex ad-libbed my masterpiece...=\

Take the pain and force it down..
Take the doubt and run away
Do it all again..
Over and over until you bleed
Dont pretend you care
When its convenient
Dont walk away from me run biotch while i stand here crying
There was nothing left for me here
You drawed a picture and made me look retarded
Now I cant look away
You created a warmth that felt so good like cheezwiz..
Now I dont want to be cold
On and On
I do it all again
I fall and stub my damn toes all over again
You dont Fade away But you dont shine anymore
Watch me look at you with disgust
I dont deserve to eat cake
I dont want to cry
I am running out of time
I sat back and looked at my life today
I seen the loose ends..
I want to tie them in knots
I want to be free of my needs
Free of my addictions
I dont want to Need
I dont want to crave what you are
If I could just love something else more than I love you
Then i should be ok
I cant let this take me away like calgon
But the voice in my head tells me to run forest
before it kills me
When will i just listen
For once will i fucking do it right
Will i do it all over again
What has caused me to be so lazy
This life is not for me
This dream is only meant for sleep
If you need someone to annoy you
I can no longer be there
I cant be by your side
Where do you expect me to piss as you cry
But its ok, I should make it through
Its gonna smell whether its me or you
smack me.. you cant your far away
beat me.. you cant.. theres nothing left to say
Nothing in common except for doritos...
Just a fire faded away
Wasting another day
your not close enough to see into my anus..
To remind me what homer simpson could be
but your close enough to keep a ham sammich on me

I sang into your ear as you slept
only to tell you im here for you if your sleep breaks
To comfort you.. because i know your life is not easy
You have so much on your mind
and no time to see what you are doing

Not enough.

Breathing...
Missing the whispers in my ear
Eyes closed..
I feel your hand in mine once again
There is a burning in my heart once again.
Open my eyes to nothing
Roll over to emptiness
Fall asleep to thoughts of you
Waking to a silence of your absence.
I close my eyes once again.. trying to convince myself of so many things
I try to feel you next to me
I try to hear the voice i so long to hear
Can you feel me?
Reaching out to you
Can you feel me pushing you away
To become your runaway love
To be chased forever
Never attained
To love so deeply..
To hate so much more
This is not enough